Portland’s a Weird One, Seriously

okay, so i’m still vibrating. like, actually vibrating. i landed in portland last night and it’s… intense. i just checked and it's...there right now, hope you like that kind of thing. 14.44 feels like 13.87, pressure’s holding steady at 1014, humidity’s clinging to me like a damp wool sweater. it’s a lot.

I was supposed to be photographing a food truck rally - the ‘Spicy Sausage Showdown’ - but honestly, the whole city feels like a chaotic, delicious, slightly unsettling performance art piece. I’m pretty sure i saw a guy dressed as a giant pickle arguing with a pigeon. It was… memorable.

My hotel, The Rusty Nail (seriously, the name), is in a building that looks like it was built by a committee of slightly disgruntled squirrels. It’s charming in a ‘falling-apart-but-you-still-love-it’ kind of way. The walls are covered in vintage concert posters - mostly obscure grunge bands. I’m pretty sure i overheard someone telling the bartender that the building used to be a taxidermy shop. Someone told me that the owner, Silas, keeps a collection of antique rubber chickens in the basement. I’m not saying I believe it, but… why not?

I spent the afternoon wandering around Alberta Street, which is basically a curated explosion of artisan shops and cafes. I grabbed a coffee - a ridiculously overpriced oat milk latte - from Coava Coffee Roasters. It was good, but i’m pretty sure i could’ve made it better with my french press. I also stumbled upon a tiny record store called “Vinyl Vortex” - it’s a labyrinth of wax and forgotten melodies. I bought a copy of a band called ‘Static Bloom’ - haven’t heard of them, but the cover art was amazing.

a city street lined with parked cars and tall buildings

Speaking of weird, I ran into a group of guys playing banjos on a street corner. They were dressed in full Renaissance garb and were singing sea shanties. It was… surreal. I tried to take a picture, but they just glared at me and started playing faster. I think they were judging my footwear. (My Converse, naturally.)

Here’s the lowdown on what I’ve gathered so far:

Food: Don’t eat anything that looks vaguely orange. Seriously. I heard that… well, let’s just say it involved a questionable salmon dish and a very unhappy stomach. Check out Pine Street Market for a decent selection of food carts. TripAdvisor has some good reviews.
*Drinks: Portland is obsessed with craft beer. Deschutes Brewery is a must-visit, but be prepared for a line. For something a little different, try Breakside Brewery - they have a surprisingly good selection of sours. Yelp is your friend here.
*Art: Powell’s City of Books is an experience in itself. It’s massive. You could spend days getting lost in its stacks. Also, check out the murals in the Pearl District - they’re incredible. Portland Monthly has a great list.
*Transportation: Portland is walkable, but it’s also a sprawling city. The MAX light rail is your best bet for getting around. Just… be prepared for delays. They’re legendary.

If you get bored, Seattle is just a short drive away. I’m kidding. Don’t go there. It’s… too much. Seriously.

I’m heading out to explore the International Rose Test Garden now. Apparently, it’s a thing*. Wish me luck. And maybe send a hazmat suit.

a field of tall grass with trees in the background

Oh, and one last thing: I heard that the best place to find vintage clothes is in the Hawthorne District. But be warned - the prices are insane.

a black and white photo of a clock tower

Someone told me that the best way to experience Portland is to embrace the weird. Apparently, that means accepting the possibility of encountering a man dressed as a pickle at any given moment.

I’m going to go lie down now. My brain feels like it’s been run through a blender filled with coffee and existential dread. But honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Portland’s a Weird One, Seriously

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About the author: Zara Walsh

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