new york city at 6 degrees: why i practiced budgeting with a coffee stain on my sock

i mean nobody told me this place would feel like a frigid sauna. i just checked and it's 6 degrees, feel like 5, but who cares, it's new york, right? the kind of place where the air screams 'i’m not your friend' and the pavement is more humid than a sauna. i walked around with my hands in my pockets trying not to freeze, my boots squelching in whatever muck the city decided to leave behind.

if you get bored, queens are just a short drive away. i heard that from a barista who blamed the coffee for his existential crisis. i kid you not. he said something about 'the grind being a metaphor for life' and then proceeded to barf into a napkin. but hey, if you're into that sort of vibe, maybe check out the coffee shop on flatbush. someone told me that it's got a secret menu with cinnamon espresso and existential dread. i didn't believe it, but i'm there now, staring at a latte like it's a riddle.







there's this thing where the weather here is like a moody tourist. i saw a homeless guy last night wrapping himself in a newspaper and muttering about 'the temperature being a betrayal.' i thought he was dramatic until i checked the forecast and realized he was right. the humidity’s at 77%, which is basically a sauna in a rainstorm. i don’t know how people live here without a jacket made of dried pizza boxes.

someone told me that the subway graffiti is actually coded messages. like, artists whispering to each other through splatters. i checked yelp for 'best subway art' and it linked to a place called 'the wall of forgotten dreams.' i went there. it was just a wall with a lot of $ signs and a rat. but the rat had a tiny hat. i took a photo.

i also heard that the pizza place on macdonald street is run by a guy who thinks the moon is a pizza. i asked him if it was a cooking metaphor and he just stared at me like i’d asked if the sun was a disco ball. but the pizza was good. really good. i heard that from a drunk guy at a bar who also claimed he’d seen a UFO at the same restaurant. i’m 70% sure he was just high.

the neighbors here? they’re like a cast of characters in a bad dreamscape. one couple next door plays bad violettes at 3 am. another neighbor claims their parrot can predict the weather. i saw it squawk once and then spent the next hour checking the forecast. it was 100% accurate. we now have a parrot weather forecast on our group chat. it’s called 'beaks of knowledge.'

i’m not sure if i’ll stay. the budget’s breaking, the weather’s hateful, and my sock is permanently stained with coffee and regret. but new york has a way of making you feel like a character in a novel you didn’t sign up for. if you’re into that, maybe check out tripadvisor for 'authentic new york experiences' or whatever. don’t trust the reviews. they’re probably just people trying to sell you a $200 hot dog.

p.s. if you like this, follow me on instagram. i post stuff about how to survive new york on a budget. mostly just me crying in coffee shops and taking photos of rats with hats.

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