montreal at 3am: a digital nomad’s rambunctious adventure

i woke up to the sound of a bus horn blaring outside my apartment window. not the fun playful kind but the one that sounds like it’s about to run someone over. that’s montreal for you. i’m a digital nomad and this is how i roll. no weekend plans. no clarity. just a laptop, a half-empty coffee cup, and the existential dread of realizing i’ve been working since 8am. i just checked and it’s that perfect montreal damp that clings to your skin like a bad memory. hope you like that kind of thing.

okay, so i was trying to get to the metro but got lost in quebec’s version of a labyrinth. one wrong turn and i ended up in a park where some guy was painting a mural of a cat made of literal flowers. i asked if he’d sell me a ticket but he just stared at me like i’d asked for the secret to life. i’m still not sure if that’s a thing here or if someone just genuinely left a work of art on a bench. if you get bored, other towns are just a short drive away. but honestly, i’m too lazy to move.

i heard that the subway stinks every morning from someone at a café. like, literally stinks. one barista told me it’s so bad you need a face mask. others swear it’s a midnight gold rush because people wear gas masks for fun. i haven’t tried it yet. i’m a digital nomad, not a stuntman. but i did see a review on tripadvisor where someone called it ‘the smell of ambition.’ maybe. who knows.

i passed a place called ‘le sorcier’ that sells overpriced maple syrup in little bottles. i’m not sure why. maybe i just wanted to believe in magic. i googled it later and yelp says it’s ‘worth the walk if you’re into industrial chic vibes.’ i’m not. but i took a photo of the syrup bottle anyway.

the weather here is a vibe. 3.32°C feels like a hug from a fridge. i almost fell into a puddle because the sidewalks are so wet that my shoe got stuck. i’m not one for risky moves but that was just how it went. if you’re visiting, buy waterproof socks. it’s a thing here. and don’t ask me why.

i saw a sign for a ‘local food tour’ that was 50% off but the text was written in reverse. like, someone had a stroke but then added it for authenticity. i bought a croissant from a vendor who yelled at me in french for no reason. he said something about ‘not being french enough’ but i think he just hates tourists. anyway, the croissant was good. or maybe i’m just full of it.

some neighbor of mine left their dog outside all night. it was howling at 2am. i pretended to be a dog too. it worked. the dog stopped barking. we high-fived. i’m not sure if we actually high-fived. time is fuzzy when you’re a digital nomad.

i tried to find a decent internet café but all the signs were in french and looked like they were written by a drunk historian. i ended up at this place called ‘nocodle’ where they serve fried dough instead of noodles. yelp says it’s a ‘quirky spot for adventurous eaters.’ i’m that kind of guy. i took a pic of the dough.

if you’re into random things, there’s this spot where people sell vintage clips. not the hair kind. the sound clip kind. like, you can buy a 30-second recording of a bakery oven. it’s bizarre. i didn’t buy one. i’m not that guy.

overheard someone say the city’s getting too touristy. another guy disagreed and mentioned how the skatepark is now ‘too safe.’ i don’t even know what that means but it sounds like a debate between two people who hate each other. maybe both are right. maybe both are wrong. who knows.

i asked a local for directions and he pointed to a map on his phone. the map had a line going straight to saturn. i didn’t question it. i just followed. turned out it was a joke. or maybe it wasn’t. either way, i ended up in a bookstore that sold only guidebooks to places that don’t exist. i bought one. it’s called ‘secrets of montreal ’ and the author is probably writing a sequel about me right now.

i checked the weather again. it’s 2.86°C now. like, exactly that in-between cold where your breath fogs up but you still sweat. i’m contradictory. that’s montreal for you.

there’s a review on tripadvisor that says the best part of the city is getting lost. i went with it. got lost in a alley and found a jazz bar playing accordion. it was magical. or maybe it was 3am and i was high on maple syrup. you decide.

i’m not sure if i’ll leave tomorrow. i might just stay here forever. or until my coffee runs out. either way, follow me on instagram for daily updates. and definitely check out the official montreal forums for rumors about the subway. they’re called ‘mtl-rumors.’ it’s mostly people complaining about rats. which is fair.

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• https://votoris.com/post/buenos-aires-a-whirlwind-in-the-city-of-tango
• https://votoris.com/post/so-paulo-is-a-lot-honestly-im-still-catching-my-breath
• https://votoris.com/post/leiden-canals-pilgrims-and-a-whole-lot-of-wind-seriously
• https://votoris.com/post/commute-times-in-milwaukee-how-long-will-you-spend-in-traffic-and-is-it-even-worth-it
• https://votoris.com/post/why-most-gifts-end-up-in-a-junk-drawer-and-how-to-fix-it