goa's midnight busker alley

woke up at 3am to the frenzy of someone tuning a tabla in the wrong key. wasn’t me. thought i’d crash the party but ended up getting lost in a labyrinth of alleys where the hot neon signs flickered like malfunctioning ghosts. it was 29.49 degrees outside and the air smelled like someone microwaved bad street food. i cobbled together a plan to survive the heat by bouncing between rooftop spots with questionable AC and a street food cart that sold ‘mango lassi’ but tasted like regret.

someone told me that the beach shack was closed for ‘renovations’ but i found it anyway. the owner was named raj and he’d spent hours crying into a stainless steel bucket while fixing the AC. i didn’t ask why. raj also warned me about the kite surfers near the pier. ‘they’ll steal your notes,’ he said, nodding at a dusty notebook i’d grabbed from a stranger earlier. turns out he was right. or maybe he was just hallucinating from the 29.49 heat. who knows.

i checked the weather again. i just checked and it’s that sweltering 29.49 heat right now, hope you like that kind of thing. i didn’t. i hate when the humidity makes your skin feel like it’s holding a grudge. neighbors? well, there was this group of folks who’d convert their rickshaws into impromptu disco balls. one guy spun records on a turntable attached to the roof while another screamed curry into a megaphone. it was chaotic. the kind of chaos where you’re not sure if you’re the artist or the audience.

i tried to blend in but ended up filming a guy doing the macarena with a goat. it was stupid. i uploaded the video to a tripadvisor page for goa because why not. the link’s probably there forever: [tripadvisor link]. yelp had a review from someone who claimed the ‘mango lassi’ was a government experiment. i didn’t believe it but i drank half a jug anyway.

if you get bored, the carnival town’s just a stumble away. it’s cheaper than taxis and louder than a subway. heard that the local band playing there? they’re called ‘the leaking pipes.’ their setlist was 70% arguing about whether the tambourine should be held upside down. i agreed with them.

overheard gossip: i heard that the map above is a fake. supposedly, it points to a black hole. don’t trust it. also, someone warned me not to take the shortcut through the ‘ghost market.’ it’s just a bunch of broken stalls selling expired spices. i took it anyway. found a mirror that supposedly showed your future. it showed a barista in a sun hat yelling at a plant. maybe it was real. maybe i was high.

here’s a map if you’re not already lost:. stick to the roads. unless you like getting chased by parrots with clipboards.

i snapped three photos of the chaos. one of the goat. one of the busker with the tambourine upside down. one of the mirror. submissions to unsplash:

. don’t click them. they might teleport you to a different dimension.

last thing: if you’re a fan of budget stays, check out this link: [budget guesthouse link]. or this one: [local market board]. the comfort might be questionable but the chaos? 100% authentic.

p.s. the weather’s still 29.49. you’re welcome.

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