bangalore’s first time laughing at a yoga class

i arrived at 3 am and immediately realized i’d overpacked. my suitcase was stuffed with 70% expired protein bars, 20% condoms i didn’t need, and one mismatched pair of socks that had once belonged to my grandma. but hey, chaos is a vibe right now. the heat was ridiculous-24.82°C, which is technically warm but somehow feels like a damp cave fire. i just checked and it’s...there right now, love the consistency. hope you like that kind of thing.

i stayed in a hostel near the beltline and swear the landlord heard me whisper about yoga. turns out he’s a former practitioner. some dude at the front desk told me to expect a class there at 6. i showed up at 10 like a lost tourist and ended up in a packed room of people in neon leggings doing downward dog. i laughed so hard when the instructor did a prop sinking dive into a pool of water. it was either profound or a prank. honestly, who knows. i heard that from a drunk volunteer at a hostel bar. they said the same instructor once cried during a session. now i’m not sure if that’s a red flag or a sign of authenticity.

the neighbors are weird. like, the guy across the street plays bagpipes at 3am. i asked him why and he said it’s traditional. i said okay and now i hum the national anthem every time i pass. if you get bored, the monsoon forests are just a short drive away. don’t believe me? ask the person who posted a tumblr about bus breaks in that jay town.

i took photos of everything. i found a random watermelon seller near the south market and snapped a pic of the fruit with a sign that said ‘sour but sweeter.’ it was weirdly poetic. also, the spice garden behind my place smells like a sci-fi movie. someone told me that’s where they grow the mythical chili used in alien pizzas. i didn’t believe them until i saw a guy wearing a helmet and harvesting it. the reviews on yelp are split. one said the chili tasted like ‘regret and cinnamon,’ another claimed it was the best thing since sliced bread. i’m still figuring it out.

i mapped out a route using google maps. the coordinates are 19.5678,74.2115. i zoomed in and saw a cow stuck in a traffic cone. classic bangalore. the map app kept buffering but i persisted. i ended up taking a scenic route through a construction site where a guy was painting murals of smiling dogs on brick walls. he handed me a piece of chalk and told me to join. i drew a sad parrot until he made me laugh by drawing a dog eating a pizza. that’s the kind of thing that sticks.

i’m drinking coffee from a recycled mug that says ‘i survived the monsoon.’ it’s probably from 2019 but it’s got character. the barista at a local café mentioned a new vegan street food spot on yelp. i checked it and it’s called ‘momos for the soul.’ the owner’s name is anil and he’s a data scientist by day and a dumpling master by night. he warned me not to try the black pepper ones. i ignored him. turned out they were spicier than a politician’s selfie.

i posted all this on unsplash. the pics show a sunrise at lalbagh, a retro cafe with a jukebox, and rain hitting a window like nature’s drum solo. the files are named weird stuff like ‘1578742562682-3f22e8133824’ and ‘chaos_approaching.’ i don’t know why.

reviews keep popping up. someone at a bus stop yelled that the local market is haunted. i didn’t believe it until i saw a vendor selling empanadas in a clear plastic bag. the bag had a tiny note: ‘cursed or blessed? you decide.’ i used it to take my sandwich and now i’m weirdly committed to the mystery. need to check tripadvisor later. maybe avoid the 2am food trucks though. last time i ate there, the meatballs were just spaghetti.

i’ll probably write this all down in a google doc titled ‘bangalore mysteries.’ maybe add links to the unsplash photos and the yelp review about the haunted empanadas. would make a weirdly comprehensive travel guide. or just a rant. who knows. the point is, chaos is free. and it’s 24.82°c out there. don’t let it ruin your vibe.

You might also be interested in:

• https://votoris.com/post/bauru-where-concrete-dreams-get-real
• https://votoris.com/post/haifa-haze-skate-coffee-and-secret-spots
• https://votoris.com/post/seouls-8degree-mystery-where-my-laptop-meets-my-wanderlust
• https://votoris.com/post/kayseri-turkey-where-the-wind-whispers-secrets-and-my-fingers-are-numb
• https://votoris.com/post/kyoto-chaos-a-whirlwind-of-cherry-blossoms-and-questionable-ramen