san dalis: where every sidewalk has a story (and a 404 error waiting to happen)

"i saw a guy arguing with a pigeon about who owned the crosswalk. locals are drama magnets," said a vendor at the spice stall.

*palo stables has the worst iced tea, but the woman who works there? she’ll fix your espresso for 50 cents extra. heard from the baker down the block that the empanadas are cursed. made me choke, anyway. 5399901 seems like a weird address, but the street spreads like a bad breakout area. no mercy to tourists who don’t wear sneakers. if you get bored, the ghost towns of old rail lines are 20 minutes east.

i just checked and it’s 11.25 here right now. feels like 9.61 somehow. maybe the humidity’s playing tricks. my laptop’s overheating, but that’s probably the part where it’s done breathing. locals say this is the best place to chase termites with a headlamp. i don’t know if that’s true,

pro-tips:

- avoid the wifi cafes. everyone’s watching, and the beans are burnt.
- don’t trust the maps. the street signs are written in crayon. ask for directions by feeling the molding on the buildings.
- if you’re cold, wear the boots*. the ones with the holes, not the new ones. i swear there’s a layer of magic dust under the peeling paint.

fyi:

- Yelp review about questionable churro fillings
- TripAdvisor map with fake landmarks
- Local forum: why the water tastes like regret

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