Pretoria's Pulse: Dust, Dreams, and Dodging Baboons (Seriously)
okay, so. pretoria. i’m still kind of processing it, to be honest. it’s…a lot. i landed, bleary-eyed and clutching my battered ukulele (don’t ask), and immediately felt like i’d stepped into a sepia-toned photograph that someone accidentally cranked up the saturation on.
I just checked and it’s hovering around twenty-four degrees, feels like it too. Not exactly sweating buckets, but definitely not needing a parka. The air’s got this dry, dusty quality, like the whole city’s been gently powdered with ochre. It’s kind of beautiful, in a stark, sun-baked way.
I’m trying to be a botanist, you see. A traveling botanist. Mostly, I’m just wandering around taking pictures of interesting plants and hoping I don’t accidentally eat something poisonous. It’s going…okay. I’m currently obsessed with these weird, spiky succulents everywhere. They look like tiny, grumpy aliens.
I’m staying in this little guesthouse in *Sunnyside. It’s…rustic. Let’s go with rustic. The shower pressure is questionable, and I’m pretty sure I heard a gecko having a full-blown argument with a spider last night. But the owner, Mama Elsie, makes the best mielie pap. Seriously, you haven’t lived until you’ve had Mama Elsie’s mielie pap. Check out some local reviews on TripAdvisor https://www.tripadvisor.com/Tourism-g316473-Pretoria_Gauteng-Vacations.html.
Speaking of locals… someone told me that the baboons around the Union Buildings are getting bolder. Apparently, they’ve started snatching sandwiches right out of tourists’ hands. I’m keeping a very close eye on my lunch. I’m also trying to learn a few phrases in Afrikaans. It’s proving…challenging.
I spent a good chunk of yesterday wandering around the Voortrekker Monument. It’s… imposing. And a little overwhelming, honestly. So much history crammed into one giant pile of stone. I overheard a couple arguing about whether it was a celebration of colonialism or a monument to resilience. It’s complicated, you know? You can find more info on the official website https://www.voortrekkermonument.co.za/.
“Don’t trust the taxis after dark,” a very drunk guy told me at a bar last night. “They’ll take you anywhere but where you want to go.” Wise words, I suppose. I’m sticking to Uber.
I’m also trying to find some decent coffee. It’s surprisingly difficult. I’ve been relying on instant for the most part, which is… not ideal. Yelp https://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc=coffee&find_loc=Pretoria%2C+Gauteng%2C+South+Africa says there’s a place called “The Daily Grind” that’s supposed to be good. I’ll investigate tomorrow.
If you get bored, Johannesburg and Tshwane are just a short drive away. I might head to Johannesburg next week. I’m hearing good things about the art scene there.
I’m also trying to document all the weird and wonderful street art I can find. Pretoria’s got a surprisingly vibrant underground art scene. I’m hoping to collaborate with some local artists before I move on. I’m thinking a mural featuring grumpy succulents. What do you think?
Oh! And something a local warned me about: apparently, the jacaranda trees are beautiful, but their pollen makes everything purple. Like, everything*. Be prepared to look like you’ve been rolling around in grape juice.
Okay, I’m off to hunt for coffee and avoid baboons. Wish me luck! And if you’re ever in Pretoria, say hi to Mama Elsie for me.
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