por que not sleep in a bus stop in lisbon? i did and it was chaos

i woke up at 3am and for some reason decided to grab a coffee from that tiny spot near the station. the barista was a guy in a neon vest yelling about nothing while pouring espresso. he said something about 'the revolution is made of single-origin beans' and then vanished. i don’t know if that’s true but i’m now 90% sure coffee is a government scheme.

weather? i just checked and it’s 23.81 celsius there right now. which is like saying 'the sun is mildly offensive.' i’m still here so yeah, i guess it’s fine. the forecast says it’ll stay exactly this temperature for 7 days. if that’s your vibe then cool. if not, don’t come.

the neighbors here are... weird. not like people. like actual humans. one left a bag of spoiled mangoes on my doorstep. another one plays bagpipes at 2am. i heard that from a neighbor who’s also a guy in a neon vest. i don’t trust either of them. if you get bored, lisbon’s beaches are just a short drive away. someone told me that. drunk advice. probably.

overheard rumors: a local told me the tram tracks are haunted. another said the pastry shop sells bread that glows in the dark. i don’t know if these are true but i’m 70% certain someone is lying. i also heard that the city council might convert the main square into a dog park. which would be devastating. if you ask me.

i took a walk and found this old café that’s been listed on TripAdvisor for 12 years with 0 reviews. seems sketch. but the street art outside is insane. a wall covered in happy ducks riding motorcycles. i took a photo and posted it to yelp. got zero likes. maybe because it’s just ducks?

this city is a patchwork of textures. the pavement smells like pets and old books. the streetlights are from the 80s and flicker like they’re judging you. there’s a vending machine that only sells instant noodles. i tried to buy a croissant from a vendor but he asked me in iberian pidgin. i think he wanted me to say 'my soul is empty.' i said 'no' and he sold me a bag of sunflower seeds. which is probably better.

someone warned me about the 'freaky vibes' near the river. i went anyway. the water is cold. the air is thick. i saw a kid throw a sandwich into the water and it disappeared. maybe it was magic. maybe it was police work. who knows.

i tried to find a place to sleep and ended up in a bus stop. the bench was covered in rust and looked like it belonged in a museum. i put my bag down and just... sat. a woman yelled at me for five minutes about not wearing a mask. i didn’t. she was probably right. or maybe she was high. later i saw a man trying to start a fire in his pants. he failed. but it was beautiful.

if you’re into history, lisbon has layers. literally. literally. there’s a castle on a hill that’s been there since like... forever. i didn’t climb it. i’m not that brave. but i did find a bookstore with a poster of a guy holding a sign that said 'i only hate mondays.' very on-brand.

i asked a guy for directions and he handed me a map drawn on a napkin. it was covered in doodles of dragons and what looked like a very confused cat. he said 'trust the cat.' i did. the cat led me to a bakery that sells pastries shaped like origami. they were amazing. i cried.

here’s a map if you want to find me:

and some photos. first is a bird on a wall that I think is judging me. second is a sandwich that vanished. third is a market with zero signage:

i don’t know what i learned here. maybe that chaos is aendente. or maybe i just wanted a good sandwich. either way, if you’re in lisbon and need existential dread, this is your spot.

https://www.tripadvisor.com/restaurant/lisbon/
https://www.yelp.com/biz/cafe-123-lisbon
https://www.reddit.com/r/LisbonTravelTips
https://www.unsplash.com/search/photos?query=lisbon quirky

por que not sleep in a bus stop in lisbon? i did and it was chaos

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About the author: Lucas Grant

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