mossville: where my wallet slept and i woke up broke

woke up at 3am grumbling about the vending machine that charged me double for stale churros. woke up at 6am grumbling more about how my hostel mattress sounds like a dragon sneezing. mossville is that kind of place. i just checked and it's 21.71 degrees, but honestly, does it matter? it feels like 22.29, which is five years in hell. someone told me that the humidity here is a solid 90% and that the locals call this 'spa weather.' i call it 'why is my shirt clinging to my back like a second skin? weather.'

parked my bike outside that old thing called 'the clocktower' which is basically a hulking concrete relic from the 1970s. locals say it’s haunted by a guy who buys cheap whiskey and judges everyone. i’m not buying that. i’m buying the churro from the cart that smells like regret. i heard it’s good. or maybe i heard a drunk saying that. same thing.

i spent an hour trying to find a map online but gave up. just asked a guy in a neon vest if he knew where to go. he pointed to a boulder and said 'the rocks know.' i looked at the rocks. they didn’t know. i walked northeast. found a street artist painting a llama in a top hat. he said it’s for ‘mossville’s new mascot. the llama hates tourists.' i’m still here. the llama’s in the next town.

i just went to that diner called 'waluwalu' because yelp said it’s 'not for sissies.' got a plate of spicy something that made my eyes water. sizzling. like a paying customer’s nightmare. someone at the bar told me the owner once tried to juggle plates. he failed. now he’s a local legend. i added this to my story. also added a photo of a cow feeding her calf. random? yes. authentic? maybe.

i keep expecting a monkey to drop out of the sky and hurl a potato at me. haven’t seen one yet. mossville’s neighbors are like 20 minutes away driving. if you’re bored, they’re just a short drive away. someone told me santiago is the ‘spiritual sibling’ of mossville. i think they meant it’s the place you go when you realize wordpress can’t handle your rant.

p.s. if you want to avoid the chaos here, check out the ‘mossville survival kit’ on tripadvisor. it’s a checklist for not dying. probably has a picture of a guy holding a umbrella and a flare gun.
lunch was at that place called 'elena’s tacos' because it was the only thing open at 8am. the salsa here packs more adrenaline than theoje jr. ride. someone warned me the beans might contain invisible spiders. i ate them anyway. no spiders. maybe just heartburn. or maybe i’m just a sucker.

i’m 80% sure the moon here is out to get me. the weather’s stable but the vibes? volatile. i heard that the free wifi spots are actually tracking your every move. probably true. probably. i tried to blog about it but my screen glitched. turned into chicken scratch. kinda fits. this place likes chaos.

i saw a kid selling Juicy Fruit gum near the bus station. he had a sign that said 'i’m not poor, just performing.' i gave him a dollar. he nodded like he’d heard that line before. persistence in the face of despair. that’s mossville. also, i bought a vintage shirt from a guy who looked like he’d been in a rainstorm for 40 years. it costs $3. i’ll wear it to my death. or until it falls apart. it’s probably both.

i need to leave before the next methanol truck rolls through. or maybe i’ll just nap in the hostel. the bed is warm. the ceiling is cold. either way, i’m done. mossville isn’t worth recounting. it’s just… there. like the number 3446847. meaningless. but also, maybe meaningful. who knows.

p.p.s. if you’re planning to come, leave your expectations in a locked box. mossville opens them on Tuesdays. according to a drunk on yelp. trust no one. not even the spiders.

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