attempting to survive a 3-day hostel stay in uni-grande, a.k.a. the end of my patience
they say hostels are the birthplace of lifelong friendships. i say they’re the birthplace of tiny bedhead that refuses to die. uni-grande, a town stuck between a nap- inducing airport and a train station that only runs once a week, feels exactly like that. woke up at 8am to find the gym membership I’d impulsively bought (because frugality is a virtue, right?) already costing £120. someone next door was playing dubstep at 4am. again. if you’re a fan of existential dread before breakfast, lucky you.
university grove, despite its oxfordian pretensions, is basically a concrete blob with a slightly nicer café scene. *local tip: the croissant place on main st is amazing, but only if you get there before 9. after that, it’s just a rotating cast of backpackers arguing about politics or trying to swindle free samples with fake french accents. I tried that. failed. still got a free biscuit. the weather is trash, though. friday’s humidity was 88%-imagine the kind of damp that makes your eyeliner smudge like you’ve been crying. checked the app, and it’s like, 20 degrees, feels like 21. which just means it’s mild enough to wear shorts. if you’re a humidity enthusiast, go you.
something a local warned me about: avoid the "artist quarter" at night. turns out, it’s just 12 guys screaming about their latest mural project while spray painting "f* the system" on a dumpster. cool? maybe. at 2am? no. also, the train to town feels like a botched rollercoaster ride. 70% of my journey to the nearest grocery store was spent questioning my life choices. or questioning the life choices of whoever designed this track. probably the designer.
still managed to find a decent falafel place via Yelp. reviewed it as "10/10, but the falafel guy’s TikTok says otherwise." somewhere between there and uni-grande’s "hidden gem" street art, I realized photography apps are a scam. every filter just adds more filters. went on a safari of bad angles anyway. uploaded 12 blurry shots of a park bench to my instagram. captioned it "nature’s vibe" to stay wholesome.
backpack now precariously balanced on my knees, I considered my next move. pro tip: if you’re broke, hit the local market. i traded a Comedy Nights guest spot (abysmal, in hindsight) to a guy for a week’s worth of bus passes. also, someone told me the library has free yoga mats. lied. but hey, at least I’m still breathing.
RC explains: RC is a smart street artist with a penchant for existential murals. heard he’s currently painting a “cyborg banana” in the town square. not sure how that’s relevant, but it’s now my life goal. will update when I inevitably trespass there.
university grove is the kind of place that makes you appreciate the chaos. or at least the Wi-Fi that doesn’t drop every time your neighbor flushes a toilet. all in all, I wouldn’t recommend it… unless you’re a masochist with a voucher for a week in purgatory. pro tip*: check Rae’s review on TripAdvisor-they’re absolutely ruthless about Wi-Fi issues.
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