Aachen sucks (but not really) :( cozy chaos + coffee snob meltdown

the thermometer was vibing at 12.3c right now, hope you're vibing back. feels like 11.1c with humidity whispering '58%' at my neck. achen vibes are peak slowcore, like a pretzel stall judging your life choices from the old market square (±30 years old). I checked the map app thingy and realized my GPS probably phished my soul-you know, that iframe link that looks like a drunk screenshot.

someone told me that ‘die capellen’ was haunted. fake news? maybe. heard that if you get bored, ÉUPEN is just a short drive away. shocker. they’ve got fries dipped in syrup that could make a DMV clerk cry. I’m here freelancing from a co-working space called ‘die unter patio’-reliable wifi? nahhhh. tried to attend a ‘quiet meeting’ with my laptop. the barista asked if I was ‘into the vibe’ or ‘another corporate drone.’

bold this. THE AACHEN CATHEDRAL WAS A MIRAGE IN THE SUN. GOT LOST FOLLOWING SOMEONE DRESSED IN ABOUT 12 LAYERS OF WOOL. NEIGHBORS are happy to chat. bought a bratwurst from a guy who spoke three languages and one accentuation trick. he said the temp_min (10.82c!) meant my bones would cry later. (he’s not wrong. my joints are replying yes, sir. sir, please stop).

pro-tips (bolded for emphasis!):
- Pretzels here are edible art. Don’t blaze through it like a TikTok scroll.
- The ‘DONER KEBAB KING’ near the railway station? Avoid. Heard it smells like regret and old VHS tapes.
- DIGITAL NOMADS: the co-working spaces all have ‘chivas regal’ Wi-Fi. Bring your own decaf.

Yep. Aachen is a 7.005 longitude hole in the fabric of the universe. 58% humidity? Bet. I’ll be here till the GDR jokes stop. Link to the city’s weirdest Airbnb:(just kidding, click it).

via TripAdvisor reviews, this place is ‘a budget nightmare’ but ‘the Benelux’ round up. Listen to the locals: THE LIBRARY HERE OPEN ENDAT 10 PM. No, that’s not a typo. Pro tip: wear a scarf indoors. They judge hair.

[more thoughts here] (not allowed to rant about the public transport app, but saw a toddler cry for 10 mins over a lost goat so maybe skip the town center at sunset. unless you like chaos. maybe don’t touch the goat).

LAST UPDATE: 1276585020 (that’s 2020ish, so maybe the world moved on without me. you decide).

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