Valencia: Where My Soul Needs a Weather App

pulled into valencia with a suitcase full of regret and an empty wallet. this city’s humidity clings to you like a bad contract - i just checked and it’s that damp, lukewarm kind of day that makes you question everything. the locals swear it’s ‘mild’ but feels like my soul’s been left in a fridge. 13.97°C? more like ‘why did i quit consulting for this?’ temperatures.

stumbled through *turia gardens like a zombie with spreadsheet flashbacks. saw a guy juggling oranges near la malvarrosa beach - probably more productive than my last quarterly review. if you run out of existential dread, gandía’s just a bus ride away where the beaches allegedly have sand.

i swear that paella place near central market serves leftovers. saw the owner scraping yesterday’s saffron into a new batch. said it’s ‘traditional’. yeah, like my office’s ‘flexible’ hours.

heard a british tourist at city of arts and sciences complain that the museum’s ‘too modern’. pal, this city is modernity’s revenge on your beige life.

ate the most expensive sandwich at railway market* - €8 for bread and regret. someone told me that’s ‘authentic valencian cuisine’. same way my last performance review was ‘constructive feedback’. tripadvisor says this place is ‘vibrant’ - they must mean the humidity. yelp warned me about overpriced horchata, but i drank it anyway. lonely planet claims it’s ‘hidden gem’ - hidden where? under my student debt? tourism board says ‘authentic experiences’ - like my soul-crushing hourly rate.

pressure’s 1020 hpa? same as my boss’s patience. humidity 69%? exactly how many times i’ve considered moving back to cubicles. this city’s weather forecast is basically my life outlook: slightly depressing but occasionally sunny. hope you brought a jacket and a stronger coping mechanism than mine.

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