i woke up this morning to a temperature that felt like it was trying to melt my soul. 23.45 degrees? more like 24.07. humidity at 85% makes me question if i’m inside a sweat machine. i’m a budget student so the only thing i care about here is how to not spend money while still surviving. first thing i did was wander into a market that smelled like regret and mangoes. someone told me the mangoes were $2. i’m not a fool-i know $2 is dirt cheap. but when i bit into one, it tasted like it had been sitting in a trash can for a week. lesson learned: cheap doesn’t always mean bad. or good. or anything.

i heard the food trucks here are better than your last meal. i’m not sure if that’s a compliment or a dare. i tried a taco from a cart that looked like it was built by a raccoon. the meat was questionable, the salsa tasted like it was crying. but i paid $3. it was a gamble with my stomach. some people say it’s authentic. others say it’s just fat. either way, it’s a gamble with your stomach.

the beach here is overwhelming. not in a good way. it’s like a circus of tourists with sunscreen and sandals. i heard the police are too far away to care if you get robbed. but i’m a budget student so i don’t have anything worth stealing. i did see a local selling drawings of palm trees for $5. i bought one. it looked like it was drawn by a toddler with a crayon. but it’s $5. that’s a win.

i asked a guy who looked like he’d been lost in a hurricane what the best time to visit was. he said, ‘anytime, unless you hate humidity.’ i’m not a fan of humidity. but then i thought about the weather data. temp max 25.18, min 22.23. that’s not bad. it’s just… hot. and sticky. and humid. like a bad decision.

i heard the locals here are more about surviving than enjoying. a girl told me to avoid the food courts because they’re full of tourists who don’t know how to eat. i tried a local restaurant that smelled like burnt oil. the waiter asked if i wanted water. i said yes. he brought me a bottle of water that cost $4. i said no. i said no. he gave me a free soda. i drank it. it was okay. not great. but free.

i saw a sign that said ‘no tourists allowed.’ i thought it was a joke. turns out it was real. i asked a local what that meant. he said, ‘it means you’re not allowed to steal stuff. or maybe it means you’re not allowed to look like a tourist.’ i’m a budget student. i look like a tourist. i’m not sure. maybe i’m a tourist. maybe i’m a student. maybe i’m both. either way, it’s confusing.

i found a bookstore that sold used books for $1. i bought a novel about a guy who lived in a cave. it was 100 pages of a guy crying. it was $1. it was a good deal. i read it in a park where the bench was covered in dog waste. i didn’t mind. it was $1.

i heard the nightlife here is for people who don’t care about safety. i don’t care about safety. i’m a budget student. i care about free drinks. i found a bar that had a $2 beer special. i said yes. the beer tasted like it had been left in a dumpster for a week. but it was $2. that’s a win.

i asked a local about safety. he said, ‘it’s fine if you don’t look like you have money.’ i don’t look like i have money. i look like a student. i look like someone who forgot to pay rent. i’m not sure if that’s a good thing. maybe it is. maybe it’s not.

i saw a mural that looked like it was painted by a drunk. it had a bunch of random shapes and colors. a local said it was made by a street artist who was paid $20. i paid $20. it was a good deal. i don’t know if it’s good art. but it’s $20.

i heard the weather here is like a bad relationship. it’s hot, it’s humid, it’s unpredictable. sometimes it rains. sometimes it doesn’t. sometimes it feels like it’s trying to kill you. but i’m here. i’m here because i’m a budget student. i’m here because i don’t have options.

i found a coffee shop that sells coffee for $1.50. i ordered a coffee. it was cold. the barista looked confused. i said, ‘it’s fine.’ he said, ‘sure.’ i drank it. it was okay. not great. but $1.50. that’s a win.

i asked a tourist what they liked about tampa. they said, ‘the beaches and the food.’ i said, ‘the beaches are crowded and the food is questionable.’ they said, ‘you’re a student.’ i said, ‘yes.’ they said, ‘that explains it.’

i saw a sign that said ‘free entry.’ i thought it was a scam. turns out it was real. i went inside and found a museum with stuff that looked like it was from the 90s. it was free. i spent 20 minutes looking at a picture of a man in a hat. it was $0. that’s a win.

i heard the locals here are more about practicality than passion. a guy told me to avoid the tourist spots because they’re overpriced and full of people. i did. i went to a place that looked like a regular store. it was a grocery store. i bought bread. it was $2. i made a sandwich. it was okay. not great. but $2.

i asked a local what the best thing to do here was. they said, ‘find cheap food and avoid the tourists.’ i did. i found a food truck that had a $3 burger. it was greasy. it was $3. i ate it. it was okay. not great. but $3.

i saw a person selling used clothes for $5. i bought a shirt that looked like it had been worn by a ghost. it was $5. i wore it. i looked like a ghost. that’s a win.

i heard the city is trying to be more eco-friendly. i don’t care. i’m a budget student. i care about cheap stuff. i saw a recycling bin. i threw my trash in it. it was $0. that’s a win.

i asked a local about the weather. they said, ‘it’s hot. you’ll sweat. you’ll hate it. but it’s free.’ i said, ‘thanks.’ they said, ‘no thanks.’

i found a park that had a fountain. the water was cold. i filled a bottle. it was $0. i drank it. it was okay. not great. but $0.

i saw a person selling handmade crafts. they looked like they were made by a squirrel. i bought one. it was $10. it was a win.

i heard the community here is tight-knit. a local told me to ask around. i did. i asked a bunch of people. they all said the same thing: ‘don’t waste money on stuff that’s not worth it.’ i followed that advice. it helped.

i saw a sign that said ‘no dogs allowed.’ i brought my dog. i got a ticket. i paid $5. i didn’t have $5. i traded him for a soda. he drank it. he was happy. i was happy.

i found a place that sold sandwiches for $2. i ordered one. it was delicious. i didn’t know it was possible. i’m still not sure. but it was $2.

i asked a local about the future of tampa. they said, ‘i don’t know. it’s changing. but as long as there are students, there will be cheap food.’ i said, ‘good to know.’ they said, ‘don’t make me regret it.’

i heard the city is trying to attract more tourists. i don’t want more tourists. i want more students. i want cheap food. i want cheap everything.

i saw a person selling books for $5. i bought a book about a guy who built a house out of cardboard. it was $5. it was a good deal. i read it in a park with a bench covered in dog waste. i didn’t mind. it was $5.

i heard the weather here is like a test. it’s hot. it’s humid. it’s a test of your will to survive. i passed.

i found a store that sold umbrellas for $1. i bought one. it was broken. i used it anyway. it was $1.

i asked a local about the best way to get around. they said, ‘walk. or take a bus that’s always late. or a car that costs money.’ i walked. it was free. i got lost. i found a coffee shop. it was $1.50.

i heard the locals here are more about survival than style. a guy told me to avoid the fancy places because they’re overpriced. i did. i found a grocery store. i bought bread. it was $2. i made a sandwich. it was okay.

i saw a mural that looked like it was painted by a child. it had a bunch of random colors. a local said it was made by a student who was paid $10. i paid $10. it was a good deal. i don’t know if it’s good art. but it’s $10.

i heard the city is trying to be more lively. i don’t know. i’m a budget student. i care about cheap things. i saw a sign that said ‘free music.’ i went. it was a guy playing a guitar. he played badly. it was free. that’s a win.

i asked a local about the best time to visit. they said, ‘anytime, but avoid summer. it’s too hot. avoid winter. it’s too cold. avoid night. it’s too dangerous.’ i said, ‘thanks.’ they said, ‘no thanks.’

i found a place that sold smoothies for $3. i ordered one. it was green. it tasted like grass. i drank it. it was okay. not great. but $3.

i heard the community here is more about helping than helping. a local gave me directions. i went the wrong way. i ended up in a park. it was okay. free.

i saw a person selling used books for $2. i bought a book about a guy who lived in a tree. it was $2. i read it in a park with a bench covered in dog waste. i didn’t mind. it was $2.

i heard the weather here is like a challenge. it’s hot. it’s humid. it’s a challenge to not melt. i passed.

i found a cafe that sold coffee for $1. i ordered a coffee. it was cold. the barista looked confused. i said, ‘it’s fine.’ he said, ‘sure.’ i drank it. it was okay. not great. but $1.

i asked a local about the best thing to do here. they said, ‘find cheap food and avoid the tourists.’ i did. i found a food truck that had a $3 burger. it was greasy. it was $3. i ate it. it was okay.

i saw a sign that said ‘no littering.’ i threw my trash in a bin. it was $0. that’s a win.

i heard the city is trying to be more sustainable. i don’t care. i’m a budget student. i care about cheap things. i saw a recycling bin. i threw my trash in it. it was $0.

i found a place that sold sandwiches for $1.50. i ordered one. it was delicious. i didn’t know it was possible. i’m still not sure. but it was $1.50.

tampa: where 2 dollars gets you a mango and a questionable taco

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