so i got off the train at southampton and immediately realized i had made a terrible decision. or maybe the best decision? still figuring that out. the wind was hitting me at like 5.84 degrees feels-like which, for the uninitiated, means it's colder than the actual 7.82 degrees on your phone because humidity at 60% makes everything worse. the pressure was 1020 millibars which apparently means clear skies but honestly i couldn't tell the difference between clear and cloudy because my eyes were watering from the cold.

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Q: Is this place worth visiting?
A: yeah actually, but only if you know what you're getting into. it's the hamptons, so prepare for mansions and also prepare to not go inside any of them.

Q: Is it expensive?
A: painfully. i ate a gas station sandwich for lunch and still felt guilty. dinner was a bag of chips and some sad grapes.

Q: Who would hate it here?
A: anyone who needs wifi, anyone who needs food that isn't $18, anyone who needs warmth. basically anyone with needs.

Q: Best time to visit?
A: summer is when everyone else comes so don't do that. i came in what i think is late spring and it was empty enough to actually breathe.

i walked past the main drag and there's this thing about southampton that nobody tells you - it's literally two different worlds separated by about three blocks. you've got the ocean on one side and then just regular suburban houses on the other, and the transition is so abrupt it's almost funny. like one minute you're looking at a house that costs more than your entire bloodline and then you turn the corner and there's someone's grandma watering roses.

i met this guy at the beach - actually i shouldn't call him a guy, he was probably like 70 - and he told me he's been coming here since the 60s. "back then you could rent a room for forty bucks a week," he said, and i literally laughed in his face because a room here now costs more than my monthly rent back home. he didn't laugh back so i stopped laughing. locals here have that effect on you.

The beach itself is exactly what you'd imagine if you've seen any movie set in the hamptons, which is both the best and worst thing about it. white sand, waves that aren't too crazy, and enough seagulls to make you feel like you're in a nature documentary about garbage birds. i sat there for two hours just watching people walk their dogs and trying to figure out which houses belonged to which celebrities. failed at that, by the way. a local told me that's the point - the really rich ones have the houses furthest from the road so you can't even see them from the beach. that's apparently the whole flex.

i found this coffee shop - not the fancy one everyone instagrams, the other one, the one that's basically just a gas station that decided to call itself a coffee shop - and the guy behind the counter gave me a free cup because i think he felt bad about how i was dressed. i was wearing three layers and still shivering. the temperature max was 8.81 degrees which sounds warm until you factor in the wind coming off the ocean which makes it feel like winter again. i don't know how anyone lives here year round. actually, they don't, that's the secret. everyone leaves after labor day and the town becomes this weird ghost town which is exactly when i decided to visit. great planning on my part.

the real southampton isn't the mansions - it's the three coffee shops and the one bookstore and the way everyone says hello to each other even if they've never met

there's this bookstore on main street that i spent way too long in. the woman working there told me about a secret beach that's not on any of the tourist maps - she called it "the locals only beach" which is the most hamptons phrase i've ever heard - and i went there the next day and it was literally just a smaller beach with fewer people. the secret was just... less people. that's the insider knowledge i paid for with forty-five minutes of small talk.

i tried to find somewhere cheap to eat and by cheap i mean under fifteen dollars and by found i mean i walked past seventeen restaurants and then went back to the gas station. a local warned me that the cheap places are all in east hampton which is like a twenty minute walk if you're fast and don't stop to look at the houses. i didn't go because it started raining and my jacket wasn't waterproof and also i was tired. this is the life of a budget traveler in one of the wealthiest zip codes in america: walking places, being tired, not eating.

the pressure was dropping by the time i left, down to like 1019 at ground level which the internet told me means weather changes are coming. i didn't check the forecast because my phone died and also i don't like knowing what's coming. sometimes ignorance is the only way to enjoy things. i heard from someone on the train back that there's a music festival here in summer that costs like $300 to attend and i can't decide if that's worth it or insane. probably both.

if you're thinking about coming here, here's what you need to know: you can see everything in a day. the beach, the main street, the mansions, the thing where rich people pretend they're normal. done. the value is in the doing it cheap part which is its own challenge. i spent thirty-two dollars total including the train ticket and that includes the gas station sandwich and the free coffee and the bag of chips for dinner. not recommended as a lifestyle but possible as a flex.

i'd come back. not in summer because that's for people with money. maybe in fall when it gets empty again and the houses look sadder and the beach is just yours and the locals are the only ones left, the ones who actually live there, who remember when it was different. a history nerd told me it used to be all farmland before the artists came and then the artists left and the money came and now it's this weird in-between place that's neither real nor fake anymore. i don't know what that means but i liked saying it out loud.

the humidity was at 60% which sounds dry but isn't, and my hair looked terrible the entire time, and i didn't care, and that's the vibe i think. southampton doesn't care about you either, which is actually kind of comforting. mutual indifference. two entities just existing near each other, one of them being a town worth billions and one of them being me, a person worth approximately negative forty dollars after this trip.

worth it though. definitely worth it.

*practical stuff:

- train from the city is like $15-20 one way, book in advance
- beach parking is like $15 but there's free street parking if you walk far enough
- the cooper farm stand has cheap snacks and it's open basically always
- bring layers, the weather is lying to you

links because apparently that's required:*

tripadvisor has some good restaurant reviews but don't trust anything under 4 stars: https://www.tripadvisor.com

yelp is actually useful here for finding the non-touristy places: https://www.yelp.com

there's a reddit thread about hamptons on a budget that i found after i got back which would have been helpful: https://www.reddit.com

the official southampton town website has events listings that are surprisingly accurate: https://www.southamptontown.gov

weather info if you care more than i did: https://openweathermap.org

Southampton on $12 a Day: A Budget Student's Hamptons Survival Guide (Yes, Really)

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