skateboarding through gaulois mess

i woke up at 3 am because my roommate’s snoring sounded like a chainsaw. instead of sleeping, i packed a backpack with a worn-out board, a bottle of cold water, and a map i printed from a 2008 tripadvisor page. the gaulois coast was supposed to be a vibe, right? turns out it’s just a lot of gravel, tanned locals, and a whole lotta sun. 30.79 degrees, feels like 35.4. i’m sweating through my socks. but hey, skateparks are nearby. or at least what’s left of them.

quick answers

q: is this place worth visiting?

answer: only if you like getting sand in your wheels and pretending you’re in a movie. no tourists here, just people who’ve lived here for decades. if you’re looking for ‘authentic,’ this is it. but also, don’t rely on directions. a local told me the gps led to a dairy farm.

q: is it expensive?

answer: water costs €2 here. that’s the worst. but skateboarding? free. the townspeople don’t charge for air. expensive? nah. unless you buy a soda. then you’re funding a scam.

q: who would hate it here?

answer: people who need shade. or internet. or peace. the wind blows relentlessly. my headphones died. i heard a seagull poop once. that’s the ‘local scene.’

q: best time to visit?

answer: july. the heat is a vibe. but also, may. less people. more shadows. june is too crowded. sept? maybe. but someone swore it rains every third day.


here’s the thing about gaulois: it’s not a place you visit. it’s a place you crash into. like, literally. i skated past a van full of picnic blankets yesterday. no one cared. the road is basically a skatepark. but the real kicker? the water. there’s this tiny lagoon near the cliffs. the locals call it ‘the cousin’s bathtub.’ 48 degrees, but it’s still cold. i dunked my head in. it’s weird. refreshing? maybe. existential? definitely.


another insight: the price of a croissant here is €1.99. but if you ask for ‘one normal size,’ they’ll give you a mini. that’s europe. or gaulois, specifically. i heard a bar owner said it’s because tourists want to feel special. i’m not sure. i ate three. my stomach’s still angry.


'affaires tip: the gas stations here sell liqueur in tiny bottles. like, 50ml. it’s a thing. i bought one to fuel my board. turned out it was cheap brandy. i drank it straight. regret. but also, fun. someone on reddit said the same thing. they called it ‘gallinbrek’-a local slang for ‘disaster’ or ‘gift’ depending on your mood.


now, the weather data. 30.79 to 35.4. that’s a 5-degree difference. i don’t know how to explain it. feels like stepping into a sauna, then a humid bathroom. the humidity’s 64%. i’m 64% sure this place is a mirage. but the sun? it’s a constant. it doesn’t care about your sunscreen. wears a hat? no. wears sunglasses? maybe. but it’s out here melting pavement.


check this: the nearest city is rouen. 30 minutes by train. rouen has better pizza. but gaulois has better waves. or so i’m told. i haven’t surfed yet. just skated. but the bridge over the river? that’s a local hangout. kids jump on it. old men drink beer. sometimes a goat stands there. i didn’t ask questions.


another thing: the town’s name is vergovie. i don’t know why. sounds like a villain. but the people? mostly old. mostly quiet. unless it’s a skatepark day. then it’s chaos. i saw a guy do a kickflip over a trash can. no one stopped to watch. they just kept going. that’s the gaulois way. move or get left behind.


links

- tripadvisor: https://www.tripadvisor.com/vergovie
- reddit: r/vergovie (or r/france, but don’t expect help)
- yelp: https://www.yelp.com/vergovie (no reviews, but the layout’s good for maps)
- local blog: https://www.vergoie-local-guides.com ( يد(service in french? idk)


media

last thing: i heard a conspiracy. that the lagoon i mentioned? it’s actually a drained salt mine. the water tastes salty. i tasted it. it’s like drinking the ocean’s tears. or maybe someone dumped chemicals there. no one knows. locals don’t care. they just swim. or skate. or argue about who owns the bridge.


this place isn’t for everyone. but if you like chaos, warmth, and slightly broken infrastructure, gaulois is your spot. i’m leaving tomorrow. probably to a beach. or a hospital. hard to tell.

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