i’m here because the numbers on the weather app said it’s 33.74 and i’m like okay maybe this is the place to test my fear of humidity. i’ve heard from a local that this city’s coffee is so strong it could wake a dead person but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. i’m a coffee snob by day and a mess of thoughts by night so when i rolled into here i was all like coffee first existential crisis later. but first coffee first.

quick answers

i heard from a barista here that this place is worth visiting if you like coffee that tastes like regret. it’s not beautiful but the espresso? yeah that’s a yes. someone told me the streets here are chaotic but if you hate that kind of energy maybe don’t come. but if you’re here for coffee trash talk and 36 degree weather? yeah it’s your vibe.

i think it’s moderately expensive. not toilet paper expensive but if you’re not used to local prices you might second guess that 100 rupees for a latte is a deal. i heard from a student here that they survive on instant coffee and lingering regret.
i think someone would hate it here if they hate chaos. like if you can’t handle a coffee shop where the counter looks like a Tetris puzzle and the barista is talking to a parrot. also if you hate 33 degree heat. last time i checked a swamp was cooler.
best time to visit? honestly any time you have a caffeine emergency. but if you want humans who aren’t sweating through their soul maybe avoid midday. i heard from a yoga instructor here that the AC breaks at 11 am so bring a fan.

i’m here because the temperature was 33.74 and i wanted to see if coffee could save me. i walked into this tiny shop called black bitter and ordered a drip. the barista looked at me like i was ordering a grenade.

the first sip was like drinking liquid fire. not bad but not great. then i asked for a pour over and the thing started flowing like a lava lamp. i was captivated. the grounds were fresh and the water? questionable. i didn’t taste it. just the ritual made me feel alive.

i heard from a local that the city’s proximity to the sea means the coffee gets a mineral boost. i don’t know what that means scientifically but my brain feels like it had a caffeine pill. the overlap between hot weather and strong coffee here is frustratingly perfect.

i’ve seen photos of places with 20 degrees and poetic sunsets but here? here it’s 33 and the sunset is a desperate orange haze. i asked a tourist group if they minded the heat and they were like no we’re gonna film a vlog about how we’re tough. i don’t trust them.

the humidity is 44% which is somehow both worse and better than 100%. you can feel it clinging to your skin but it doesn’t feel oppressive in the same way a 40 degree sauna does. it’s like the city is sighing and refusing to commit.

i heard from a street artist here that they paint murals on everything including the walls of coffee shops. one had a giant mug with a face drinking itself. it was either genius or a cry for help. i’re leaning toward genocide.

this city’s safety vibe is average. tourist areas are lit up but if you wander off the map be prepared to ask for directions from a vendor who’s never used a map. i heard from a guide that theft is rare but scams are common. like someone tried to sell me a ‘limited edition’ coffee bean for 500 rupees. it was basically dirt.

the cost of living here is decent for a coffee snob. i got a good espresso for 80 rupees which is less than a grande at starbucks somewhere else. but if you’re buying single origin? that’s a different story. i heard from a barista that the best beans are reserved for locals who know the dirt roads where they’re grown.

you’d hate this place if you’re someone who needs predictability. like if you’re a type a planner or someone who hates 36 degree weather. also if you’re a photographer and the constant heat makes your batteries die. i heard from a freelance photographer here that they charge extra for sunny days. seems unfair.

the best time to visit? if you’re a coffee snob and don’t mind the heat anytime. but if you want to balance it with something cooler? plan your trip so you can take a bus to the nearby beach. i heard from a student that it’s 45 minutes away and the waves are better than this city’s coffee.

i’m sitting here writing this at 2 pm and my left arm is numb from the heat. the AC in my hostel broke at 11. i’m drinking black bitter again and it’s not as good this time. maybe the beans are getting tired. or maybe i’m just a broken man.

i heard from a local that the city’s buses break down often. i tried taking one to the beach and it got stuck in a pothole. the driver was just waving at people like ‘get in if you want to be late’. not helpful but oddly charming.

this city’s vibe is a mess of contradictions. the heat is brutal but the coffee is inspiring. the chaos is overwhelming but that’s where the soul is. i asked a local why they stay here and they said ‘if it dies it dies. if it thrives it thrives.’ i don’t know what that means but it felt wise.

i’m going to leave now. my phone is hot and my coffee is cold. i’ll come back when the temperature drops or when i find a better brew. probably never.

links

https://tripadvisor.com/r/Coffee-Snob- paradise-27.28-95.68
https://yelp.com/biz/black-bitter-cafe
https://reddit.com/r/VijayawadaCoffee
https://weather.com/33.74-44-humidity
https://localblog.com/coffee-tours
https://instagram.com/coffeemadhere

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sipping on a planet that’s too hot for its own good and other things i guess

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