ok so i arrived at this place expecting something grand. maybe a fancy market or a trendy diner. nope. what i got was this. a tiny street vendor selling empanadas that looked like they’d been sitting under a bus(arrival time? maybe two hours). i asked the guy if it was safe to eat. he just threw me a pager and said shit if you die i don’t care. classic.

quick answers

q: is this place worth visiting?
a: depends. if you love chaos and crispy regret, yes. if you want a 5-star meal, no. my empanada was hot on the outside, cold on the inside, and emotionally devastating.

q: is it expensive?
a: not really. the vendor charged me 5 reals for something that should’ve cost 50. but then again, i couldn’t tell if that was because he was generous or because he’d never seen a foreigner pay before.

q: who would hate it here?
a: foodies. unless you’re a foodie who hates food. then this is your heaven. also, tourists with cameras. the vendor didn’t speak english. he just yelled at me in portuguese and gestured dramatically with a half-eaten sandwich.

q: best time to visit?
a: when it’s raining. the vendor’s best work happens during storms. probably because he’s hiding from something or his electricity goes out. who knows.

yet another thing i heard

so i guess this is where the locals go when they need a midnight snack but don’t want to spend money. the vendor told me it’s called ‘carnival food’ even though there’s no carnival here. maybe that’s the real name. maybe i should’ve asked.

another thing i saw

there’s this giant concrete dome near here that’s like a museum but for old cars. i walked in and it smelled like old oil and regret. someone told me it’s called the ‘dream factory’ but i don’t believe it. dreams are supposed to be soft. this place was just a guy yelling at me to pay 100% tip even though he’d just given me a broken mirror as a thank you.

repeat that thing i said earlier

so the weather here is 13.65 degrees. that’s not cold. that’s ‘i’m about to cry because this soup is taking forever to cool down’ cold. the humidity? 75%. that’s the kind of humidity that makes your skin feel like it’s Made of spaghetti. which is bad. very bad.

here’s the thing

i tried to find a decent coffee. everyone said this place has the best brew. i ordered a black one. it tasted like someone microwaved charcoal. a coffee snob would’ve fainted. a tourist would’ve blamed the vendor. i blamed both. turns out the machine was broken. the vendor didn’t care. he just gave me a cup of rainwater and said it’s ‘organic’.

link overload

https://tripadvisor.com/sao-somewhere
https://yelp.com/restaurant-vendor
https://reddit.com/r/saobubby
https://instagram.com/foodsnob
https://travelblog.com/disastertravel
https://youtube.com/watch?v=chaoscheapfood

sao something where i burned a chicken and still called it art

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