Santiago's Sweat Fest: Why I Love (and Hate) This Humid Hellscape

okay, so i just checked the weather for this godforsaken place, and it's... there right now. 29.14°c, feels like 27.88°c. like stepping into a wet towel. humidity's at 28%, which is basically a sauna with a breeze. pressure's 1009, sea level, so no relief coming from the ocean. i mean, i guess that's why they call it the valley of the moon, right? dry heat? pfft. more like damp heat. if you get bored, valparaiso or viña del mar are just a short drive away, but honestly, the smog might kill you faster than the humidity. someone told me that the locals call this 'la humedad de la muerte' - the humidity of death. i heard that from a drunk guy at a bodega who also claimed the ghost of a conquistador haunts the metro. i believe him about the humidity, at least. *don't even get me started on the food. someone told me that the best empanadas are hidden behind a secret door in a market that only opens at midnight. i tried finding it. failed. but i did find a place with empanadas so greasy, they left a grease stain on my shirt that looks like a map of the city. the reviews are mixed, like always. yelp says 'amazing authentic food', but the place i went had a cockroach doing the tango on the counter. i heard that from the waiter, who shrugged and said 'just part of the experience'. gear list time, because i'm a digital nomad, not a backpacker. my laptop, a portable charger that dies faster than my patience, a notebook filled with half-baked ideas, and a hoodie because the 'air conditioning' is basically a fan blowing hot air. local tips, drunk advice style. if you're going to hike the cerro san cristobal, bring way more water than you think you need. and if you see a guy in a poncho selling 'magical' stones, he's probably just a scammer. but maybe buy one anyway, it's a souvenir. map time*. here's where i got lost trying to find that empanada place. [iframe src="https://maps.google.com/maps?q=-33.35,-70.5167&z=12&output=embed" width="100%" height="300">

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