Phnom Penh, where the heat screams and the tuktuks keep screaming louder

i just checked and it's another one of those 35.62 kind of days, there right now, hope you've packed your sweat bucket. the air feels like someone chucked a damp sponge into a blender with hot syrup and poured the slurry over the sidewalk. neon signs flicker above the chaos, and the streets hum with motorbikes wearing helmets made of superstition.

if you get bored, kampar or siem reap are just a short drive away. but let's be real-you're here because the spreadsheet said ‘‘stay productive’’ and this place looks like a really expensive hostel.

*this morning i saw a woman balancing a saddlebag full of mangos on her head while avoiding a pothole wide enough to swallow my existential dread. there's a thing called 'psar proleng' where old men haggle over betel leaves like they're trading stocks in hell.

someone told me that the woman selling fried crickets near the river isn't a tourist trap-it's her third go-round after running a jewellery stall in siem reap. i heard that the old Khmer Market beef skewers are cursed because a chef died mid-cook, but honestly, the smell keeps luring me back.

whatever you do*, don't trust the guys offering 'free spa experiences' in alleyways. i did once. now my skin tastes like eucalyptus and regret.

pro tip: if you hate your boss, try haggling harder. the barbershops here charge less than an hour of your misery. and if someone asks about your boss, lie. tell them you're here for the durian. everyone knows ‘‘durian'’ is consultant-speak for 'why can't i just nap?'.

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