Panama City: A Traveller’s Rant About Beds, Beaches & Bad WiFi

panama city doesn’t shout about its affordability. i found a hostel near the marina for $12 a night. breakfast was fruit and black beans. note: wifi cut out three times that week.

quick answers about panama city

q: is panama city expensive? a: hostels from $10, local meals under $3. flights from $200’reachable. not awash in cash? it fits.
q: is it safe? a: yes…if you don’t wander solo at midnight. stick to casco viejo during day. robberies are low if you’re visible but not flashy.
q: who should NOT move here? a: people needing 24/7 healthcare or covid-vaccine-centric communities. pharmacies open 18 hours. don’t silence your phone.

where the hell am i?

i arrived at the toca minera bus terminal, 9 am. smelled like fried plantains and diesel. a guy in cargo shorts yelled, "dig it?" while dodging a taxi driver’s honk. panama city isn’t rome. it’s a port. the current flows through it. el canal is the real city, but who cares?

co-working without the stress

if you’re a digital nomad, near metro plaza. victory coffee has free wifi. works until you refresh the page. rent here? $400-600 for a 1br. lower than oakland. shower taste like regret. job market? mostly startups and shipping. freelance coders thrive. translate that to healthcare costs: doc visits $30 max. covid? no one checks.

food: burn your taste buds

lunch at maria by the beach: $4 for gallo en amarillo (fried chicken with mango salsa. spicy. good. hangover fix. note: the guy at the grill kept yelling "bok choy!". weird.
milking plomo for hours? black bean soup from mercados for $2. fridge rot in the morning. skip poutine. try duck, if you’re brave. nightlife? less predictably alive than expected. royal hotel: don’t walk home after 3am.

casco viejo: history, but like, mildly

old quarter. walking tour with a local. she said, "don’t mistake our architecture for romance. dutch built this. they left diarrhea on the corner." buildings are ghosts. plaza mayor has murals. art walks tuesday. don’t touch the whiskey sour unless you want to cry. street cats: 5. taxis: 12. politicians: 7, and they’re all dopes.

weather: it sweats through your clothes by 9 am

ihumidity hits 80% at noon. pack microfiber pants. mosquito repellent plentiful, cheap. bioparque has toucans. none hissed at me. dolphin park? overpriced. bleak.

nearby: flee if you can

ezeiza (2-hour drive): parade floats, goat festivals. colon (1-hour flight): cruise ship hell. cartago (45 mins): mountains. never go.

final drunk advice

you’ll find your rhythm. veto the "perfect” life. 3rd world comforts work. just don’t snowbird here unless you’re a device. the sea vore rages. but damn, the rooftop at four seasons faced the sea. who needs wifi?

Panama City Travel Admits (also check Reddit’s r/Panama) | Cheap Eats on Yelp | Nomads on /r/DigitalNomads