messy thoughts from sao paulo (but make it personal)

i woke up at 3am with a headache and a craving for cold coffee. the weather? i just checked and it's 22.7c, which feels like someone dropped a warm sock outside and forgot to put it in the dryer. humidity’s at 100%, so my shirt smells like a damp sock and regret. i’m in sao paulo, which is basically a giant sauna with more traffic than a subway during rush hour.

neighbors? if you get bored, the city center’s a 20-minute drive or you can walk to a crack in the sidewalk and pretend it’s a park. i heard that the best spot for pigeons is near the bus station, and they’re thirstier than a toddler at a water park. someone told me that the wifi here is slower than a sloth’s nap, but it’s free, so i’m taking my chances.

this place has that lazy-vibes energy. i saw a guy painting a mural of a cactus on a wall that looked like it belonged in a sci-fi movie. i asked him what it meant, and he said, 'it’s a metaphor for surviving this weather.' i’m not sure if that’s deep or just lazy, but i took a photo.

i also tried a local empanada stand. the owner said it was his great-grandmother’s recipe. i bought one, and it tasted like a mix of regret and spices. i heard that the best empanadas are from a place called 'empanadas del sol' on yelp. it’s got 4.7 stars, but i also heard that the owner slaps customers who don’t tip. tripadvisor says it’s ‘authentic but chaotic,’ which is… not unhelpful.

i took a walk to a park that looked like a landfill. there was a bench covered in graffiti that read 'i am not lazy, i am just quantum-erratic.' i sat there for 10 minutes, staring at the sky, which was 22.7c and exactly as humid as a sweating sock.

someone warned me that the streets here are like a game of musical chairs with cars. i almost got clipped by a tuk-tuk that drove like it was late for a yoga class. i heard that the best way to avoid this is to walk in groups. i tried that, but then a group of teenagers started a conga line into a convenience store. life is weird.

for locals, this place is a mess of contradictions. the coffee’s strong, but the prices are bankrupt. the markets sell fresh mangoes, but the vendors haggle like they’re auditioning for a stand-up comedy special. i asked a street vendor where to find good tacos, and he said, 'you don’t find them, you steal them.' i don’t know if that’s a tip or a threat.

if you’re coming here, check out the tripadvisor page for the best hostels. i heard one called 'hostal da grana' is run by a guy who plays accordion at 3am. yelp says it’s ‘quirky but memorable,’ which is probably accurate. local boards online say the best sunset spot is near the river, but i got lost and ended up in a sewage cleanup area. that’s a story for another time.

i’m not sure if i’ll write another post from here. the coffee’s good, the air’s thick, and my phone battery died. i’ll leave you with this: if you like weather that feels like a sweaty sock and neighborhoods that act like a tropical horror movie, this might be your spot.

p.s. the museum of modern art here has a sculpture that looks like a confused giraffe. i’m not sure if that’s art or just a rejected prop from a 90s movie. link to the yelp page: https://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc=sao-paulo

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