kivu? yeah sure i’ll take the one that smells like wet shoes and burnt udder

woke up to a clock that was showing 3:47 am and no idea why. then i realized i’d fallen asleep filming a moss-covered bus stop in this thing called kivu. place the size of a bad life decision. i’ve been here for 14 hours and still don’t know if it’s a city or a curse. the air is like a humid jello cocktail. 24.25°C? whatever. feelslike 24.79°C. which is enough to make you sweat through your sweatshirt. which i’m doing

quick answers

q: is this place worth visiting?

a: only if you’re here to hate. or photograph decay. or force-feed yourself goat stew from a guy who’s definitely not a licensed vendor. i’m here for the light, not the life. that said, if you’re chasing chaos, this is where you find it.

q: is it expensive?

a: cheaper than regret. a roti costs less than a metro ticket in new york. but don’t count on service. last vendor stole my wallet and demanded a tip.

q: who would hate it here?

a: tourists with selfies. also people who think ‘local’ means ‘clean.’ i heard a guy tried to tip in bitcoin. vendor flipped him off and got a fistful of withdrawal symptoms. classic.

q: best time to visit?

a: at 2am. that’s when the quiet sets in. the only time the dogs stop barking at ghosts. probably. maybe it’s just the humidity lying.


here’s the deal. this isn’t a place you plan. it’s a place you crash into. i’m a freelance photographer. which sounds fancy, but really i’m just the guy with a camera who shoots dead ends. last week i got lost for six hours tracking a rumor about a abandoned church. turned out to be a guy’s backyard dump. now i have 370 new photos. none of which are usable. that’s the thing about kivu. you chase a story and get a shitty Polaroid.



let’s talk weather. 79% humidity. which is like if a sauna decided to go on a beach vacation. you sweat, you drink, you hallucinate. i hallucinated a man selling kinder eggs on the sidewalk. wasn’t real. wasn’t helpful. the thermometer says 24.25°C, but the ground is at 870hPa. which means it’s one of those places where you stub your toe and it’s immediately a full-blown crisis. i drank three sodas and still feel like i’m bellowing into a hurricane.




one thing you’ll notice is the time. not the watches. the time between bad decisions. last night i stayed at a hostel where the manager communicated via smoke signals. we waved at each other for 45 minutes before i realized the language was just ‘yes’ or ‘leave.’ short trip? i’m here to stay. or at least until the rain comes. which it will. 1008hPa pressure? sounds like the atmosphere is holding its breath. maybe it’s scared.



i saw this bus driver. he’s probably 70. his rickety wheels stopped in the middle of the road. i filmed him staring at a termite in his shoe. he did nothing. which is either sad or stoic. hard to tell. but he had a lighter. lit a match. and walked away. classic kivu. no ego. just survival.



another thing. the markets. they’re a riot. not in the good way. you’ll find reusable shopping bags filled with used batteries and chewing gum that’s been chewed so hard it’s basically a science experiment. prices are all over the place. one guy sold me a bottle of water for 1,024,770,645 escudos. which is probably fake. because the local currency keeps phasing out like a bad relationship. someone told me they use euro notes here. illegally. because the other option is buying groceries with debt.



someone warned me about the tap water. i heard it from a local who’s seen too much. says drinking it will turn your teeth blue. haven’t tried it yet. but i dipped my toothbrush in it anyway. now my bristles are suspicious. local wisdom, right? or just a racket? who knows. i’m 50/50.



out in the countryside i found this random orchid. it was growing out of a tire. 24.25°C held it together. the petals were translucent. i took five shots. none showed up. i think it was cell-shocked. or maybe i’m just bad at plants. either way, it’s the kind of place where you see something beautiful and immediately think ‘this won’t last.’ like the road. the streetlights. the friends you make at 3am.



the downside? this place hates tourists. not because we’re bad. because we ask for directions. which they can’t give. or worse, they do and then vanish. last guy told me to head east. i did. and hit a chicken. not the metaphor. a literal chicken. baptized in kipunju. the local slang for pain.



this is also a city of rumors. someone said the airport is haunted. i asked a flight attendant if it was true. she said, ‘only if you’re late.’ she didn’t look me in the eye. which is either a lie or a cultural thing. either way, i’m not flying out of here at night.




so yeah. kivu. it’s not for the faint of wallet or spirit. but if you want to see decay meet absurdity, this is your jam. i’m leaving tomorrow. probably. if the goats don’t eat my passport first. maybe i’ll take some photos of the chaos as a thank you. or a warning. you’ll never know.





links

tripadvisor kivu review: https://www.tripadvisor.com
reddit kivu thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/kivu
yelp kivu gallery: https://yelp.com/
github localPhotos: https://github.com/kivuPhotos





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