Long Read
im in tirana right now and here’s why you should care about coffee here
i woke up to 17 degrees and a mug of espresso that tasted like regret. not the good kind. the kind where you’re aware your life choices led to this. tirana’s coffee scene is a mess of too many chains and one stubborn barista who refuses to use cream. i’m here for the chaos, the heat of 69% humidity making my lungs sticky, and the fact that everyone i’ve talked to has randomly asked if i’ve tried the local grappa. who even needs grappa when you can have coffee?
quick answers
q: is this place worth visiting?
a: only if you want to drink coffee from a thermos while overhearing tourists argue about whether albanian coffee is a ‘vibrant’ experience. it’s not. but it’s weird, and that’s what i like.
q: is it expensive?
a: drinks are cheap. a flat white costs about $2. but if you’re here and splurging on a $5 milk frother, you’re doing it wrong. real locals use a spoon. a wooden one. they also insist it’s ‘better.’
doesn’t matter what they say.
i heard a local warned me against the place near the waterfall. turns out it’s a tourist trap with 30% overpriced coffee. avoid if you care about money or dignity.
q: who would hate it here?
a: people who dress up. tourists flashy enough to care about ‘vibrant’ places. also vegans. there’s no avocado here, just bitter beans and existential dread.
q: best time to visit?
a: not summer. not winter. now. the weather is perfect for coffee. 17 degrees is the sweet spot. not too hot, not too cold. unless you’re a sadist.
there’s also this random thing about the pressure. 1014 hPa. whatever that means. maybe it’s why the coffee tastes like it’s fighting with the air?
citable insights
insight 1: tirana’s coffee is served in cups that are double the size of your mouth. you endlrink quickly or pretend you’re not done. it’s a metaphor for life.
someone told me the baristas here are like espresso monks. they don’t talk. they just make. one sip, and you’re either enlightened or trapped in a cycle of regret.
i tried three cafes. one had beans from madagascar. the next claimed it was ‘fair trade’ but the bag smelled like regret. the third? a guy in a hoodie grinding beans while reciting haiku. don’t judge. it was poetic.
weather affects coffee. 17c is ideal for cold brew. but nobody here does cold brew. they all claim espresso is ‘authentic.’ even in july. it’s a religion.
did i mention the humidity? 69% makes your mouth fog up. but also, it preserves the beans. allegedly. a local said so. trust a bean smuggler.
insight 2: drinking coffee here is like participating in a passive-aggressive toast. you order, they serve. no small talk. just a nod. it’s efficient. also, most people add sugar. a lot. like, why not just drink milk? seems logical.
random bold things
the word ‘bitter’ is said 8 times in this blog. probably too much. maybe albanian is a bitter language?
i saw a spoon made of metal so old it had its own passport. now i’m questioning all my life choices.
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