ellon’s midnight coffee runs: a sweaty ode to 20.86°c

i was sitting in that one coffee place with the neon sign that flickers like it’s conspiracy related. the barista spilled a latte on my notebook last week which is now 80% coffee stains and 10% regret. the weather? 20.86. which to me is just a number but here it’s like the room is holding its breath. 80% humidity means your shirt sticks to you like a third limb. i checked the app earlier and it was the same. no rain no sun. just that weird perfect fog that makes you question if the walls are closing in.

if you feel like rambling there’s a street vendor selling expired sausages and a mannequin that looks like it’s mourning the loss of its joints. but if you’re all about staying put the library is two blocks west and it’s got a coffee machine that works. someone told me it’s haunted but the staff just swipes your card and says pleasant dreams.

the weather again? it’s 20.86. the same number your phone battery shows when you’re 70% done with a video call. i asked a local about it and they said it’s the temperature of regret. not sure if that’s a metaphor or a weather report but i took it as both. 80% humidity is just the air’s way of telling you to drink more coffee. or don’t. i don’t know.

someone told me that the best part of ellon is the neighbor’s cat that roams around trying to open your curtains. i haven’t seen it but i heard it hisses when it hears your footsteps. another person mentioned that the local board is banning all the vintage shops but no one checks. heard from a street artist that they’re just moving the art to a different alley. and a yelp review from last year said the café was too cozy which either means it’s a problem or they were drunk. hard to tell.

i just checked and it’s… there right now. hope you like that kind of thing. the forecast says it’ll stay exactly this way for three days. which is either great or the universe trying to drag you into a time loop. probably the latter.

if you’re feeling adventurous there’s a bookstore downstairs that sells coffee beans for $5. it’s called ‘the existential brew’ and the owner is always arguing with a pigeon. not sure if that’s a character or a mental health issue. probably both. check out tripadvisor for honest reviews of the town’s cafes or yelp for the soul-crushing ones. one local board warned me the street artist alley might close in a month. i heard that from a drunk tourist who was too high to remember their own name.

these photos are probably all of the same coffee shop but i don’t care. sometimes i wonder if ellon is just a bunch of coffee stains waiting to happen. the weather confirms it.

i heard that the local music scene is dying but someone at a coffee shop said they’re gonna start a punk band tomorrow. i don’t believe them. i think they just forgot they promised to. the atmosphere is a mix of old records and half-remembered dreams. if you get bored ellon is just a short drive away to places that aren’t this humid. not sure which way to go though. the map app keeps showing me the same 4.1667,9.2333 coordinates. like the town doesn’t want you to leave.

someone told me that the best advice is to throw a coin in the fountain and ask for directions. i did that once and the coin got stuck in a drain. the fountain itself is just a hole in the ground with a pub name carved into it. the real wonder is the neighbor who plays ukelele at 3am. if you ask politely they’ll charge you $2. if you scream they’ll play louder.

i just checked and it’s… there. again. the temperature is 20.86. the sky is 80% humidity. this is what we have. this is what we get. maybe pack a sweater or a fan or a notebook full of questions. the coffee here is good but not great. the people are weird but not in a bad way. just weird enough to make you want to stay. maybe. maybe not.

i heard a rumor that the barista is actually an alien. not sure if that’s a good thing or a warning. ask the dog next time you’re here. it might know.

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