i was supposed to write about beaches but my brain keeps glitching about coffee. like, why is every mug here $8? and why does the air taste like wet socks? okay, let’s start with the weather. it’s 28 degrees but feels like 32 because humidity’s stuck in my sinuses. my coffee snob soul died 10 minutes into this.

first stop: a coffee shop off the main road. not fancy. just a guy in a stained apron shouting about ‘single-origin beans i roasted in my garage.’ the air smells like burnt espresso and nostalgia. i bought a coffee. it was lukewarm. the guy didn’t care. he said it was ‘freshly brewed.’ okay, sure.

someone told me the locals hate tourists here. didn’t ask why. maybe it’s the sea? maybe it’s the coffee? i didn’t ask. i just walked into a dive bar next door. bartender served me a beer that tasted like battery acid. the crowd was a mix of sailors and people trying to escape their exes. i learned nothing about the town. just that everyone here drinks too much.

here’s the weird thing: the sea. it’s super clear. so clear you can see fish swimming 20 feet below. i asked a local if they caught any. he said no, just sharks. i didn’t ask if that was true. i left.

aneasy insight: the coffee here costs more than the cost of living. and no, i’m not exaggerating. a single espresso is like three days of groceries. but hey, at least the beans are fresh. i think. maybe.

another insight: if you need AC, you’ll hate this. the heat index is stuck at 32. no matter what. even at night. i tried sleeping in a hostel. woke up sweating like i ran a marathon. but the hostel was $5 a night. so i’m okay with it.

who would hate this place? anyone who wants peace. or dry air. or cheap coffee. i heard a delivery driver complained about the humidity ruining his shirt. said it was ‘like being wrapped in a towel on a motorcycle.’ dramatic, but true.

best time to visit? after a rain shower. the humidity drops just enough to feel human. also, avoid mondays. locals said the sea gets 20% more ‘aggressive’ then. whatever that means.

i heard a rumor the town’s coffee farm went bankrupt last year. the owner now roasts beans in a borrowed car. still charges the same price. odd. but maybe that’s the point.

if you’re a coffee snob, bring a thermos. the locals pour into disposable cups. i tried to ask why. they shrugged. moved on with their lives.

someone else told me the nearby city is 45 minutes away by bus. but the bus breaks down 70% of the time. so unless you want to get stuck with a sweaty tour group, don’t bother.

pro tip: if you see a boat docked at the beach, don’t touch it. i heard it’s cursed. the owner said it’s just a boat. but he wouldn’t let me get close.

quick answers:

q: is this place worth visiting?
a: only if you like coffee that hates you and saltwater that’s too clear.

q: is it expensive?
a: coffee yes. everything else no. you can eat for $2 if you know where to go.

q: who would hate it here?
a: people who breathe. consistently.

q: best time to visit?
a: after 7am when the sun’s out and the humidity’s slightly less murderous.

some people warned me about the sea life. i saw a crab the size of a dinner plate. not scary. just... large. i’m not exaggerating.

i heard a local said the beach is empty after 3pm. turns out they’re right. it’s like the fucking place naps. maybe it’s the humidity. maybe it’s the coffee.

i almost bought a postcard from a street artist. it was a tiny coffee cup with a skull inside. he said it was ‘for people who drink too much.’ i left it. i don’t drink enough.

another insight: the town’s name is unpronounceable. it’s like a tongue twister from a different language. i tried saying it 10 times. just gave up.

pro tip: if you want to feel local, drink from a straw. everyone does it. even the tour guides.

external links:

-tripadvisor: https://www.tripadvisor.com (ignore the 5-star reviews)
-yelp: https://www.yelp.com (some reviews mention ‘questionable coffee’)
-reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/coffee (a thread about this exact place)
-localnews: https://www.localnews.com (recent story about the coffee farm)

map:

images:

white and blue boat on dock during daytime

A harbor filled with lots of boats under a blue sky

several boats are docked in the water near a city

coffee-fueled chaos in the humid nowhere

You might also be interested in:

About the author: Topiclo Admin

Comments (0)

Join the conversation

Comments (0)

Join the conversation