woke up to 28 degrees and a roof that felt like a sauna. sleeping bag was soaked by 7am. decided to wander until i found this tiny cafe off a side street. server handed me a cup of coffee so hot it hissed. good.

this place is an 80% humidity coffee lover’s nightmare. the espresso shots here are either icy or scalding. avoid your standard brew unless it’s a cold one. i heard locals call it ‘the sweat bucket’ but i prefer ‘the thermos of doom.’

q: is this place worth visiting? a: only if you want to drink coffee in a sauna. avoid afternoon but hit the morning brews.

q: is it expensive? a: no. street vendors slap you with iced coffee for $2. fancy places charge $5 for a shot that’ll burn your tongue.

q: who hates it here? a: anyone who can’t handle 78% humidity. tourists bring reading material. locals drink it black and pray.

q: best time to visit? a: 6am. by 10am it’s a thermal spa.

i snapped a photo of a guy holding a sign: ‘cold brew + shirt removal = $10 discount.’ half the people left. weird but true.

another win: the local market sells ‘weather-o’ coffee. basically a consensual heatwave. had one. it was lukewarm. appropriate.

safety? fine. crowded cafes but no issues. trick is to avoid tourist traps like the golden triangle street. real people hang out near the old train station.

repeat: this weather is not negotiable. bring electrolytes. also, if you see a barista wiping their forehead, respect. they’re doing their best.

link1: https://tripadvisor.com/r/coffee-rating
link2: https://reddit.com/r/coffee/comments/tipshere
link3: https://yelp.com/business/cafe-local
link4: https://coffeblog.com/cityname-review

.maps.google.com thing below is just a placeholder. i didn’t care enough to check the actual location.

p.s. if you’re not a coffee snob, skip this. unless you like existential dread with every sip.

coffee snob’s rant about cityname’s hot weather

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