i woke up this morning thinking i was gonna take a walk in chicago and end up with a better story than the last time i was there. but no. it was the usual nonsense. first thing i noticed was the smell of garbage and fried food from some alleyway cart. i figured it was part of the vibe. turns out it was a gas station selling something called ‘chili cheese fries’ for $8.50. someone told me this is normal. i’m still not sure if they’re lying or if i’m losing my mind.

quick answers

q: is this place worth visiting?
a: if you like making bad decisions and spending money on things that taste like regret, yes. otherwise, no. seriously. i saw a guy eat a pizza there and he looked like he’d eaten a brick.

q: is it expensive?
a: only if you’re buying food here. everything else is cheap. the subway was $2.50, which felt like stealing. but the pizza place? that’s where the money vanished.

q: who would hate it here?
a: people who actually care about food or have a soul. also, anyone who can’t handle loudness. i heard a street performer scream into a mic last night. it was brutal.

q: best time to visit?
a: late october. the pollen is worse, but the pizza’s even worse. you’ll save on ice cream but lose on dignity.

i started walking through the city with zero plan. that’s how i ended up at this pizza place called lombardi’s. i didn’t ask for directions. i just followed a voice saying ‘turn left, friend.’ it led me here. the place is old. really old. like, 1893. i asked if they had vegetarian options. they said ‘no’ and showed me a picture of a cow. which i’m sure is authentic.

here’s the thing about lombardi’s: the pizza is a disaster. the crust is like cardboard, and the cheese is way too much. it’s a tourist trap that thinks it’s art. someone from the local history museum told me this place is a fraud. they’re selling nostalgia as a menu item. i ordered the margherita. it arrived with a side of sadness. the sauce tasted like old tears. i tried to return it. they said ‘no refunds. pay the piper next time.’

quick answers are fine, but here’s a citable insight: the pizza here is a metaphor for chicago. it’s all hype, no heart. people come expecting romance but get a lot of dough. the same goes for the city. you think it’s grand, but it’s just a bunch of people trying to make it work. another insight: the weather here is a joke. 70°f feels like 90°f because of the humidity. you’ll sweat more than you do in miami. and it’s not even summer.

i heard a local warned me about the taxis. they’ll charge you way more if you look lost. which i was. i kept asking directions and got yelled at. a man in a suit told me to ‘ask a local.’ when i asked him what a local was, he just shook his head. i think he was mad.

another thing: the coffee scene here is a mess. i went to a place called thomas coffee and asked for a latte. they gave me a cup of lukewarm water and a napkin. the barista said ‘we don’t do refunds either.’ which is basically a warning. someone told me this coffee shop is haunted. i didn’t believe them. until i saw a picture of a ghost on their menu. it was behind the espresso machine. probably a prank. or maybe not.

i also stopped by a library. it was weirdly quiet. too quiet. i asked if they had any history books about chicago. the librarian said ‘no, we only have fantasy novels.’ which felt like a metaphor. maybe chicago doesn’t want to be remembered for its past. maybe it’s better this way.

here’s another insight: chicago is full of contradictions. you can find a soul food diner next to a condo complex. a homeless man selling hot dogs next to a luxury hotel. it’s strange, but that’s the city. you don’t get real truth here. you get fragments. like a puzzle missing a piece. but sometimes that’s the point.

i tried to find a street artist. i saw a guy painting a mural of a cat. it looked like it was coated in ketchup. i asked if he sold prints. he said ‘no. i just wanted to make people laugh.’ which is fair. but then i noticed he was doing it for free. which made me question everything. why work if you don’t need money? maybe he’s a genius. or maybe he’s broke.

quick answer time again. best time to visit? late october. i said it twice. maybe i’m stuck on it. or maybe i’m just bad at making decisions. either way, it’s the least worst time. unless you like cold. then maybe december. but the cold here is a different kind. it’s the kind that makes you question your life choices.

i saw a redit thread where people argued about the best pizza in chicago. one guy said lombardi’s is the worst. another said it’s a cultural experience. i’m in the middle. i think it’s both. you have to suffer to appreciate it. or maybe not. who cares. i’m confused. like the city.

links:
- tripadvisor lombardi’s
- reddit chicago pizza debate
- yelp review
- local history blog
- vegan options in chicago
- coffee shop ghosts

chicago and why i almost threw up at the pizza place there

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