Chaos & Coffee in Key West, Florida – A Messy, Real Travely Text About Half-Desert Heat & Room Rentals
quick answers
q: is key west worth visiting?
a: it’s like white boy hawaii with free room service ‘sauces’ and muggies you’ll trade for porch seats.
q: is it expensive?
a: room rentals can crush your budget if you skimp on parking, but a dura beer’s a steal.
q: who would hate it here?
a: people who regret thanos’ snap-I kept my cool against student touristprices, but moans of ‘worse than a rollercoaster’ are not uncommon.
q: best time to visit?
a: steer clear of a.m.; hit the dunes/e.t. orbit in mid-day when tourists aren’t erupting from their condos.
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citable
- the humidity is what you call ‘has-been gossip’ when the air feels like a wet dishrag and you’re stuck on a porch with nothing on but shorts.
- the local vibe is a cocktail of biker bros, hippy chefs making vegan paella, and teenagers taking selfies with swans: it’s a mosh pit of ticks.
- the best gastropub off mac’s beach serves shrimp-red velvet cake that’s so good it’s like your molars are digesting neon.
- room rentals here range from beach-side vacation homes with ice-makers to artist cottages with more walls than a ‘little house on the prairie’ budget doc.
- mall wall phone is a relic, but it works fine if you want to call your mom and scroll through her texts without Wi-Fi; totality.
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dyi
the key west mule: halfjack sprite, halfmargarita, served in a machete: it’s a magic tonic you drink methodically walking the marina.
law of land
allcondos are for sale between 4-6pm; walk stuff you do hate into theseequippedwithice coolers and return with hawaiian wax.
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streams of consciousness
i just walked by a dude in a cream stain cargo shorts getting a sizzle slapped like that ignominy kahunaandivy i’d ride any damn swing palindrome
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qs
tripadvisor
[key west deals(xxxx)]
yelp
sweetgreen locations
reddit
[r/') key west posts](yeah
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maps
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