Buenos Aires: where the coffee is weak and the chaos is strong

i woke up this morning to a ceiling fan humming so fast it sounded like it was summoning something. maybe a demon. maybe a new playlist. not sure which. i checked the weather app and it’s 31.77. hot. like, sweat-in-the-socket hot. not the kind of heat you can dance to, but maybe the kind you forget you’re boiling alive. sounds dramatic, but i’m alive. so here we are.

wait. someone behind me at the bartender just ordered a ‘barrio especial’ and the guy next to him swore it’s just lukewarm tap water with a splash of regret. i didn’t ask but maybe i will. maybe i shouldn’t.

tip: if you want to blend in, don’t mention the stars in the sky. someone at the embassy said they’re just LEDs now. i’m not sure if that’s true or if it’s a warning. maybe both.

heard a rumor that the bike rentals near the plaza are stealing cash. not stealing. charging $500 extra. i haven’t confirmed but my wallet’s already nervous. maybe avoid the blue one.

crowded Benito Juarez street with vintage cars

i tried to take a selfie with the wifi name ‘barrio-chaos-3427367’ but the camera kept glitching. maybe it’s haunted. maybe the signal’s just bad. who knows. maybe the neighbor’s cat is judging me. again.

local tip: the street food at 9 am is called ‘second breakfast.’ don’t ask why. it’s a thing. i heard it’s k Bukkake with mayo. sounds like a joke but i’m selling in on this.

i asked a vendor if they served anything cold and she said no- ‘this heat is just the city’s way of saying ‘stick around and waste money.’’ i’m not sure if that’s a travel blog or a therapy session. maybe both.

someone told me the metro here runs on a schedule that changes every Tuesday. i trust nothing. i trusted the last map app and it sent me to a circus. a literal circus. maybe next time i’ll just walk. or cry.

if you get bored, Rosario is just a 30-minute drive away. they have better tapioca, i heard. maybe. i’m not taking responsibility for your life choices.

someone told me that a craft brewery here is opening a ‘no refund’ policy. it’s a trend. i’m here for trends. or at least the free beer. unclear which.

overheard gossip: the art district is now ‘off limits’ after a guy tried to paint a mural of a pizza. the mayor called it a ‘cultural crime.’ don’t challenge verified authorities.

i really wanted to try that new vegan taco place but the reviews on thesaid it’s just a food truck with a fancy name. classic. also, thesuggests the locals hate them now. conflicting advice. classic.

another rumor: if you ask for a ‘double baile’ at a bar, they might hand you a bag of lemons instead. i tried once. it tasted like a science experiment. maybe that’s why they don’t advertise it.

i just took a picture of a pigeon wearing what looked like a tiny hat. the internet is gonna need that. probably.has more details. or at least better lies.

here’s to hoping the next time i check the weather, it’s not 32.06. i’m not a fan of sudden rises. not even if it’s dramatic. i’m here for the chaos, not a heatwave. maybe.

Buenos Aires: where the coffee is weak and the chaos is strong

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About the author: Sophia Berg

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