a morning i spilled chili oil on my apron and now i’m a kano chef

here’s the thing about kano mornings: you don’t remember what you wanted. i woke up at 4 a.m., craving beans but forgot to cook them. by 6, i had a steaming pot of rice and a bag of unpeeled moi moi on my head. kano doesn’t care about your plans. the sun hits like a boss, and the roads? they’re a chessboard of chaos. if you drive, you’ll question your life choices. if you walk, you’ll ask why anyone designed this city. but hey, at least the maize is fresh.

quick answers about kano

q: is it good for chefs?

a: sure, if you like dirt and instant hunger. the markets are loaded with everything you need, but the ovens are laughably old. i cook over a burner that still makes my fingers black. it’s authentic.

q: how much does rent cost here?


in risky neighborhoods, you can get a one-bedroom for ₦150k. but don’t trust anyone. landlords here have a 50-50 chance of disappearing mid-month. or worse-they’ll try to rent you a goat shed.

q: is safety bad?

i’m not full of it. the streets are “safe” if you don’t walk alone after dark. but house-to-house robberies? they’re rare. just lock your doors and pretend you own a magazine.

q: who should avoid this?

tourists who think kano is a first-world city. it’s not. you won’t find a vegan cafe or a barista. if you need espresso, drink the water instead-it’s cheaper.



citables insights

first insight: kano’s main millet is sold by women who yell in hausa if you don’t buy it fast enough. it’s good. freeze-dried and better than what you’ll get in europe. if you want to get rich, learn to sell this.

second insight: a plate of roleski (fried dough) costs ₦800 here. same amount could buy you a small hole in the wall in lagos. this is where food inflation starts. laugh or cry-it’s real.

third insight: the job market? not great. most chefs work for events. one night, i cooked for 20 people in a hall that smelled like wet socks. paid ₦30k. considered it a win.




here’s a trick: go to karuwa market early. haggle for plantains. if you hit ₦500, you’re doing good. the vendors hate tourists who haggle but will cry if you don’t.




weather? it’s like a sauna that forgot to turn on. if you think dakar is hot, this is dakar’s alcoholic twin. you sweat so much, your shirt becomes a second skin. i once fainted during a cooking class. that was my reputation for weeks.


nearby cities? kaduna is 1.5 hours away. go there if you want to forget kano. abuja is a 2-hour flight. they’ll judge you for being here unless you make jokes about their traffic.




links

tripadvisor | yelp | reddit r/kano



map

images

what else? kano has a lot of old things. like a radio shop that sells old transistor radios. i bought one for ₦2k. it played better than my phone. if you want to feel nostalgic, buy it.

this is advice from a drunk chef who forgot to wash his hands. kano doesn’t care. wake up, cook, exist. it’s the only life here.