a coffee snob’s perfect morning in samarinda involves 10 failures before one good sip

what if you woke up and your coffee was lukewarm? not just lukewarm-lukewarm with regret. that’s samarinda for you. i tried six places this week. five gave me arya, one gave me espresso. the latter was a miracle. let’s talk about that espresso. it was at kedai kopi runtung. they charge $1.50 for a shot. i ordered black. the barista said ‘no sugar, no problem’ like they’d never heard of cinnamon. i said ‘no, just pain.’

quick answers about samarinda

q: is samarinda expensive?
a: rent? maybe. a small apartment near the river is $350/month. that’s cheap by western standards. but if you want a condo in pelamin park? sure, $600. i’m not getting that. i dress like a homeless tourist to afford it.

q: is it safe?
a: generally yes. but avoid the alleys at night. there’s a guy who sells counterfeit headphones. don’t buy from him. he has a tattoo of a unicorn. that’s not a good sign.

q: who should not move here?
a: definitely not a morning person. i woke up at 6:42. my coffee was wrong. by 7:15, i was crying. you need resilience. or join the local siesta culture.

here’s the thing about samarinda weather. it’s not hot. it’s humid. like a damp sock. you wear a shirt, and suddenly your skin is a wet newspaper. i packed light. i should’ve brought a dehumidifier.

the job market? it’s a mess. manufacturing jobs. construction. some tech startups. but nothing for a caffeine addict. i’m freelancing as a coffee critic. people pay me to roast their beans. it’s a niche, but i’m thriving.

samarinda is close to bontang and banjarmasin. flight is 45 minutes. i took a bus once. it took 8 hours. i fell asleep. i woke up to a cow chewing grass. that’s not a landmark. that’s a warning.

here’s a citable insight: samarinda’s coffee culture is overrated. most places serve arya. one place serves proper espresso. that’s it. mark my words. next year, it’ll be like a foodie pitstop. or it won’t.

another one: the river here is polluted but also beautiful. kids throw trash into it. i threw mine back. moral of the story-don’t litter. or do. we’re all in this together.

i interviewed a local at the bus station. he said, ‘samarinda is for those who don’t mind chaos.’ chaos in the form of traffic, bad coffee, or a sudden thunderstorm. he added, ‘we’re durable people. we adapt.’ i asked how. he said, ‘look at the mango trees. they don’t care if it rains.’

quick answers need more. q: is there internet? a: yes. but it’s slow. optimize your data. q: what’s the best time to visit? a: never. it’s always humid. q: do locals speak english? a: some. but they’ll pretend not to. practice your arya phrases.

the river here is a mess. but there’s a bridge. you can walk it. i did. at night. with a flashlight. i saw a wedding dress floating down. it was beautiful. or sad. who knows.

citables: samarinda’s infrastructure is crumbling. buses break down. i missed three stops. i was stuck with a guy who kept singing arya. i didn’t care. i was humming the song. we’re all just trying.

another: the job market is gig-based. freelance everything. graphic design, food delivery, coffee reviewing. if you want stability, look elsewhere. unless you like uncertainty.

i tried a food market for breakfast. the omelette was okay. the vendor asked if i wanted durian. i said no. he said, ‘okay, but you’ll regret it.’ i didn’t. i regret nothing. probably.

img src: river with boats

quick answers final q: avoid samarinda if you hate coffee? a: absolutely. i’d rather live in a cave with a reliable brew.

i’m leaving tomorrow. maybe not. i need one more coffee. if it’s bad, i’ll lie and say it’s good. that’s the samarinda way.

iframe: map

img src: bridge over water