são paulo just got hotter and i’m here for it

i woke up this morning to a notification from my phone that the humidity in 사ó paulo had jumped to 55% which is like, yep that sounds about right for a city that smells like gym socks and exhaust. i’m a freemenote photographer so i went outside expecting the usual chaos but instead found a street so empty it felt like i’d accidentally wandered into a museum exhibit of silence. the sun was shining so hard it made my phone screen melt and i’d never seen the sky look that bright before which is weird because i’ve seen that same sky for months.

last night someone told me the view from marcos brittão is ‘so overrated’ but i took a shot of it anyway and it ended up looking like a painting someone spilled coffee on. the clarity was so good it made me question if i even needed my huge camera anymore. i just held my phone up and it auto-focused like it was haunted by my life choices.

i checked the weather on my way back and it said feels_like 31.7 which is basically a middle finger to the actual temp of 29.89. i don’t know if i’d rather sweat through a linen shirt or freeze in a parka but either way i chose neither. i’m standing here in my old band tee that’s wrinkled from three years of clubbing and it’s actively rebelling against the heat. the collar’s open and i feel like i’m in that one meme where someone’s shirt is flying off because they’re too hot.

if you’re visiting and get bored, são paulo is just a short drive from parais, which is basically a port city that smells like salt and regret. i heard that from a guy selling pirated movies at a bus station but i’m taking his word for it. also someone warned me that the local bakery uses expired flour. i’ll test that theory by buying a pão tomorrow. if it collapses, i’ll blame the heat.

the neighbors here are interesting. i heard one of them is a guy who rides a unicycle to work just to annoy the delivery drivers. i don’t know if that’s true but if it is, i’m 70% sure he’s also a vegan hipster. the person across the street told me that the best way to haggle at markets is to say ‘i only need this because i’m poor’ which is either very sincere or very shady idk. i’m leaning towards shady because i just bought a guava jam for $1.20 and the seller wasn’t mad.

here’s a map if you wanna throw yourself into the madness:

i took three photos today. all of them were of things that shouldn’t exist. a dog wearing sunglasses, a man balancing a coconut on his head while eating ramen, and a billboard for a hipsters’ coffee shop that reads ‘we don’t bean you here.’ the last one especially made me question reality. i messaged the shop on instagram and they replied with a photo of a latte art that looked like a screaming face. i backed out of the conversation because i couldn’t decide if it was art or a conspiracy.

someone told me the best time to take photos is at 4am when everyone’s still asleep. i tried it once and got arrested for loitering. the guard said something about ‘no photo ops on state property’ which is fair but also so specific. i don’t know if it was a joke or if they were trying to get me to leave. i left anyway because i’d rather be a laughingstock than stuck in that guard’s range.

the weather kept showing up as 31.7 feels_like and i started to think it was a joke. like maybe someone at the weather company is cracking up in their closet. i checked it again and it was the same number. i’m either in a dream or the apocalypse.

if you’re into coffee, there’s a place called café ritual that some people swear by. i went there once and the barista was writing poetry on napkins. i don’t know if it was good poetry or if they were just trying to use up expired beans. i’ll check again maybe. the link to their yelp is https://www.yelp.com/biz/café-ritual-são-paulo and i heard the reviews are mixed. some say it’s a spiritual experience, others say the coffee tastes like regret.

i found an unsplash photo of são paulo that looks like it was taken by a ghost. here it is:

another one:

and one more:

i’m not sure what i’m trying to say. maybe that são paulo is a place where the weather hates you and the locals don’t care. or maybe it’s just me. i’m leaning towards the latter. here’s a tip: if you bring a camera, bring a colder drink. hot air makes everything look either too bright or too dark. i forgot to bring one today and now i’m clutching my phone like it’s a lifeline.

i heard that the best street food here is at a place called surubaria da vira. someone told me you can eat a whole cone in one bite. i don’t know if that’s true but i’ll take it as a challenge. the link to their tripadvisor is https://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurant_Review-g405242-d3332340-Sabinas_Ur compliance_Repast_Wutz Stuttgard Au Søpe_São_Paulo.html and i heard it’s better at night. if you go, wear your best hat. it’s são paulo, after all.

You might also be interested in:

• https://votoris.com/post/cebu-city-a-chaotic-night-of-karaoke-street-food-and-unexpected-connections
• https://votoris.com/post/san-antonio-a-tired-travelers-ramble
• https://votoris.com/post/hanois-messy-charm-where-bikes-rule-and-humidity-steals-your-soul
• https://votoris.com/post/demographics-of-pietermaritzburg-whos-actually-hanging-out-here-in-2026
• https://votoris.com/post/air-quality-and-environmental-health-in-taipei-dont-say-i-didnt-warn-you