Santa Cruz at 3AM and Why You Shouldn’t Trust Airbnb Reviews

i woke up in a hostel with a broken fan and a laptop that smelled like old coffee. the light from the streetlamp was enough to see that the room next door had a cat doing yoga on a wicker chair. sound asleep. no sound. the kind of silence that makes you wonder if it’s haunted or just the best hostel ever. i didn’t sleep. i checked the weather. i checked and it’s 24.65°c with 92% humidity-like breathing through a stranger’s gym sweatshirt. not sure if that’s a vibe or a sin. i’m a digital nomad who’s quickly learning this isn’t a vacation. i’m here to work, which means i’m here to deal with landmark issues and people who think telling you to ‘live locally’ means serving you undercooked empanadas at 2am.

outside the hostel, the neighborhood is a collage of questionable choices. if you’re wandering now, the locals say to ask for ‘the guy who sells Obama hats’. he’s behind the wall with the broken AC. i didn’t ask. i believed a drunk barista who claimed he’d seen a UFO here. turns out, it was just a blimp. or so he said. overheard gossip goes like this: ‘don’t trust the hostel with the green door. they’ve been stealing laptops since 2019. reported true by a guy who’s now a beer-seller and definitely hasn’t seen his passport for six months.’ i didn’t believe. i still haven’t slept in the green room.

the weather here is a character. exactly 24.65’c all day. no fluctuation. no surprise. just that robot consistency of temperature. it’s like the city decided to forget what seasons are. i heard a neighbor say that if you�re bored, people in présenter are just a short drive away. presenter? i’ve never heard of it. seems like a typo. maybe they meant Pedro’s? Pedro’s is real. Pedro’s is a place where the barista plays accordion and the pastries taste like regret. i’ll put a link to their Yelp page later. might regret it.

i found a map online-word to the wise, don’t click any maps that promise ‘real-time vibe updates,’ because these don’t exist. here’s your embedded map for directions. if you’re lost, this is your new home:. squint at it. it’s the only thing that’ll help. probably.

i’ve taken three pictures today. one of a street sign that reads ‘no tractors’ while a tractor is parked outside a shop. one of a toddler feeding pigeons with a mango. one of the cat from earlier. here’s the unsplash magic:

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here’s the real kicker: some people told me Santa Cruz is overrated. they said the beach is crowded, the food is bland, and the culture is just another tourist version of itself. i heard that from a guy who’s been here three times and left every time. i’m not sure if that’s a warning or just his personality. but i’m sticking around. why? because the internet told me to. and the internet is 3403687 bytes old right now, so take that how you will.

if you’re thinking of coming here, read the TripAdvisor reviews carefully. specifically, the ones with 1 star and a photo of a half-eaten sandwich. that’s the key. also, someone on Reddit warned me that the coffee shops use instant coffee. i didn’t believe. i went to the first one and bought a ‘artisanal blend.’ it tasted like disappointment. but then i saw the label: ‘made with 92% humidity,’ which is exactly what we’re breathing right now. maybe it’s a metaphor.

the neighbors are the real story. the one across the street has a speakersystem that plays reggaeton nonstop. the volume is set to ‘haunted house mode.’ if you’re here at night, you’ll hear a voice over the music saying ‘get out’. doesn’t matter if you’re real or a tourist. just go. also, the guy who sells Obama hats tells me there’s a secret club in the basement of his shop. he says it’s for people who ‘understand the vibe.’ i don’t understand. i just want to buy a hat.

in short: Santa Cruz is here. it’s messy. it’s humid. it’s not what you expect. if you’re like that, leave a comment. i’ll respond. probably. i’m too tired to check my charger. just know this: the next day, i’ll be here again. probably at the exact same hostel. probably drinking coffee that taste like the past.

links: TripAdvisor for the Obama hat guy
Yelp for Pedro’s
Reddit’s warning

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