melo in the raw, unfiltered: a freelance photog's nightmares and happy accidents

woke up with a pounding headache and a camera in hand, which is honestly a better mood than usual. it's 17c here, which is like the perfect temperature for pretending you're not freezing while trying to get a shot of a random cat sitting on a bratwurst stand. the humidity? ugh. it's that sticky-sweet kind that makes your lens fog up faster than a bad decision, but hey, the light right now is this weird golden hour thing that makes everything look like it was painted by a drunken artist. i just checked and it's...there right now, hope you like that kind of thing.

if you get bored, the next town over is definitely not a short drive. it's a 45-minute slog through fields that look like they were painted by someone who hates punctuation. neighbors here? well, the person two doors down plays bagpipes at 3am. i heard that from someone who saw it on a napkin in a hostel. don’t believe everything you hear, but the gossip here is wild. last week, someone told me the queen victoria market is haunted by a ghost pastry chef. i called it a flex and moved on.

so i went out, clicked photos of everything that wasn’t a wall or a pigeon, and came back with my head full of lens flares and half-baked ideas. the first shot was a disaster-i tried to capture 'the city's soul' by pointing my camera at a bush and saying 'there, that’s it.' it looked like a blurry potato. but then i saw this tiny vendor selling coconut ice cream in clear plastic bags, and i felt inspired. i chased her through alleys, dodging cyclists who thought they were in a video game, until she slammed a bag in my hands. that’s the photo now- الدهشة of coconut ice cream dripping down a cardboard cutout of a palm tree. (#australiavibes #melbphotodiaries)

i heard that the laneways are a goldmine for street art, but also a minefield ofżupe. one dude told me at a backyard barbecue that one wall has a mural of a dancing kangaroo that 'moves at midnight.' i took him for a joke, but then i saw it online. it’s real. it’s terrifying. i’m 78% sure it’s a hallucination caused by the humidity.

reviews? they’re less reviews and more ‘i screamed into my coffee this morning.’ for example, this one on airbnb read: ‘the bed was so comfortable it felt like a conspiracy.’ another said, ‘if you need a psychiatrist, this is the place.’ i’m not sure if that’s a compliment or a warning, but i plugged it into my maps app and now i know where the nearest 24/7 library is.

images: first one is a close-up of a street artist’s faded face on a wall. second is a blurry photo of coconut ice cream. third is a shot of a market stall with people staring at me like i’m a tourist from another century. all from unsplash, because why not?

here’s where i am:

. you can find me near the cracked sidewalk by the coffee shop with the broken umbrella. if you want me to take your photo, just yell. i’ll probably be too tired to help, but at least you’ll get a ‘safe to touch’ sticker.

links: check out the tripadvisor page for the ‘world’s worst tea’ café-it’s actually decent. yelp has a review for that street art kangaroo mural that says, ‘i thought it was a prank until i saw it at 2am.’ and this local blog has a post about ‘10 places in melbourne that smell like regret.’ don’t miss that one.

so yeah, that’s my day. i’m exhausted, my camera’s battery is dead, and i might’ve accidentally taken a photo of a raccoon in a bathtub. it’s messy. it’s human. and if you like the chaos, maybe come see melbourne for yourself. don’t worry, the humidity won’t kill you. probably.

melo in the raw, unfiltered: a freelance photog's nightmares and happy accidents

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About the author: Emma Hayes

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