riod de janeir0’s midday madness: a digital nomad’s 24.71°C musings

well i woke up at 5 am and immediately regretted it because my laptop screen flickered like it was arguing with the sun but hey at least the 24.71°C felt like a lap dance from the sky right? i checked the weather and it was like the city was trying to tell me something and i just nodded and drank coffee that tasted like regret. congrats.

so i showed up at this coworking space that everyone said was ‘vibey’ but it was more like a concrete cave with a view of a very confused palm tree. the owner was selling espresso shots for 10 reais each and i’m like ‘i’m not here for espresso i’m here for wifi’ and he just handed me a receipt and smiled like i was the first person to ever ask for that. maybe he knew i was a disaster.

neighbors here are weird. like if you’re bored and don’t wanna pay for a hotel room you can just sit on the street and people will long stare at you until you either join their weird game of dominoes or leave. yesterday a guy started playing a flute made of a soda can and i thought it was a prank until he started singing ‘god bless the queen’ in brazilian. i didn’t ask.

i heard that some locals swear by this little thing called ‘freguesia da reforma’ which is like a secret market but i tried to find it and ended up in a place where they sold turnips for 2 reais and a man was crying into a bag of oranges. i asked him why and he said ‘it’s the tax man’ and then he started chanting something about ‘sunshine and silence’ which i think was a joke.

someone told me that the best way to avoid scams is to just trust the people who wear too many hats. i tried that with this guy who was selling ‘artisanal salt’ and he kept saying ‘it’s 100% natural’ and then handed me a bag that looked like it was harvested from a hiker’s backpack. i paid 15 reais and now i’m convinced it’s just table salt but i’m too late to back out.

i checked the weather again and it was still 24.71. i’m not sure if it’s a metaphor for life or if the city is just really efficient at maintaining this exact temperature. i’d ask the tourist board but they’d probably charge me for the question.

i tried to find a place to take photos but every spot was either too busy or too empty. one spot had this really old bench with graffiti that said ‘i once had a dream about a penguin’ and i took a photo of it but my phone died and now i have to rely on the 24.71°C to keep me warm while i cry into my phone.

i heard that the best time to meet people is when the sun is just a tiny dot in the sky but i’m too lazy to wait. instead i went to a beach and tried to swim but the water was colder than my ex’s personality. also there was a guy in a snorkel who kept saying ‘i’m not a tourist’ even though he had a backpack and a camera. i asked him why and he said ‘because i’m here to document the failure of human nature’ which i think was true.

i’m posting this from a place that has no name and probably no wifi. i’m using my phone’s data like it’s my last breath. if you’re reading this and you’re in riod de janeir0 and you see a guy with a laptop and a sad face don’t ask questions. i think he’s just here for the 24.71.

i’m gonna go now before the 24.71 turns into a spa day and i have to pay for it. maybe i’ll find a place that sells actual artisanal salt. or maybe i’ll just drink more coffee. either way i’m leaving with a story that’s 80% chaos and 20% questionable life choices.

links: i found this spot on tripadvisor that’s supposedly a cozy café → https://www.tripadvisor.com/r/CAFE-RIO. also this yelp review says the street artist there is a legend → https://www.yelp.com/biz/RIO-ARTIST. if you want to know more about the 24.71°C thing check out this local board → https://www.rioforecast.com.

a sunlit street in riod with random graffiti that says ‘24.71 is not a temperature it’s a vibe’

a man in a snorkel staring at a penguin in the water

a bench with a penguin dream graffiti and a very tired tourist

riod de janeir0’s midday madness: a digital nomad’s 24.71°C musings

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About the author: Adrian Cole

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