fort myers, not the cigarettes kind. here’s where i ate a mango and missed a plane
*walking into the chaos
i just checked and it’s 20.44 degrees with more humidity than my socks can handle. feels like the air’s trying to cling to my skin, sticky and slow. this is what happens when you chase sunsets but forget to pack rain boots. locals call this “the furniture face”-they’re right. everything’s damp, heavy, like breathing through a wet tissue. i’m not complaining. yet.
the weather’s got me thinking: is this the real florida or just a really convincing mirage? maybe both. the beach’s got that weird golden hue, like the sand’s been kissed by a blender. i didn’t see any sharks today, but hey, maybe they’re just shy. i’ve seen worse at the gym, according to a guy in a spandex bodysuit who said herons counts for cardio.
overheard somewhere just outside the mcdonalds: ‘that beach is cursed by people who left cooler lids open for years.’ i don’t know who’s worse-the gulls or the humans who feed them nachos. a man in a truck snapped angrily at a pelican. pelican. sometimes the locals are wiser than the actual states. someone else muttered about a lost dog under the palm trees. not even a cute one. travis the pit bull? or travis the egomaniac?.
onto the good stuff: the pier’s got those weird wooden benches where old men argue chess. one guy had a prosthetic leg. checkmate, buddy. i drank too much soursop juice and asked where to rent a kayak. the guy said, ‘better luck tomorrow, storm coming.’ storm coming? great. the wind shifted, and the coffee shop next door played maria brachman like everything was normal.
blockquote alert: ‘if you want to see pelicans, don’t look at the ocean. look at the parking lot,’ said a guy handing me a free hot dog with burnt cheese. i didn’t ask why. maybe i’m the ghost here, watching the chaos unfold.
map o’ mayhem:
things that exist here:
- a murphy’s yacht center with rentals crooked enough to make a pirate envious
- a bullet point disaster: the beach volleyball crowd wears vintage swim trunks and sunscreen older than the ocean
- if you get bored, orlando’s just a short drive away. my phone died. the sky didn’t.
pics from vibevibes (real captions from space, probably):
random notes: the wifi’s slower than my crush’s reply game. i got a latte from cafe checkered comix where the barista knew what a ‘shoutback’ was. hint: it’s a sugar-free iced american with extra cheese. i’m still bitter it’s not on the menu. ripping it up
i’ll be gone by sunset. no promises. maybe i’ll catch the last boat to miami. unless the wind changes. just kidding. i heard the storm’s a liar. like my uncle greg who says he’s 42 but smells like a flip-flop.
links to sanity:
- yarg’s seafood spot on tripadvisorp
- amber’s kayak horror stories on yelpp
- the best mango shake recipe from a guy who didn’t Google it
final thought: places aren’t places until you mess them up. i spilled mango juice on the map. it’s fine. the world’s a mess already.*
You might also be interested in:
- https://votoris.com/post/tondos-crime-stats-messy-truth-from-the-streets
- https://votoris.com/post/buraydah-diaries-when-the-humidity-hits-100-and-youre-still-laughing
- https://votoris.com/post/breaking-bread-and-spilling-espresso-the-real-milanese-food-scene
- https://votoris.com/post/the-cost-of-living-in-dnipro-a-monthend-tango
- https://votoris.com/post/panama-city-rent-vs-buy-a-messy-datadriven-reality-check