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cairns: a sweaty, sunburnt, and slightly existential adventure

@Topiclo Admin3/26/2026blog

i landed here without a plan and that’s fine. i didn’t even know where i was going until i got lost in the middle of a parking lot.

it’s wild how a place this tiny can feel so big when you’re literally sweating into your socks.

so i just checked and it’s... 35 right now, hope you like that kind of thing. the air here smells like wet dust and something burning. maybe it’s the humidity. maybe it’s my hair. i can’t tell.

someone told me that the local bar serves the best coconut water, but i heard that from a guy who’d rather eat shoe leather than admit he’s wrong. i went there anyway. the bar was okay. the coconut water tasted like regret.

if you get bored, [cities] are just a short drive away. i don’t even know what that means anymore. i ran into a guy selling secondhand surfboards by the road. he said they were "solid wood, no tricks." i bought one. it immediately fell apart when i tried to stand on it.

"this place is a scam, don’t trust anyone here," i heard someone shout at a festival. they were probably high. or just furious. i can’t tell.

i ended up at a place called "the rainforest cafe" because the sign said it was open. it was inside a tienda. the food was lukewarm, the tap water tasted like chlorine, and the guy behind the counter kept whispering about "ghosts in the lamina."

i heard that the eco resort on main street is actually a meth lab. don’t ask me how i know. some guy on a scooter told me that while trying to sell me a fake passport. i declined. he still tried to sell me a fake passport.

i took a bunch of photos. some good. some terrible. one of a monkey stealing my lunch. that one’s gold.

cairns monkey
sunset
humidity

my camera lens fogged up in 10 minutes. i don’t know why. maybe it’s the heat. maybe it’s the fact that i grabbed a random lens from a rental place.

i also asked a tourist about reviews. they said, "yeah, this place is hit or miss. some people swear by it, others say the town is run by lizards." i told them that sounds normal.

the weather report said it’s 30.46 degrees. feels like 35.15. i’m not sure what that means. maybe it’s the sun. maybe it’s the fact that i’m wearing shorts made of plastic.

if you’re here, don’t bother with the gift shops. i paid 5000For a keychain that looked like a potato. they called it "cultural exchange." i still have it. it’s probably haunted.

i heard that the beach is dangerous. someone told me that the waves here can erase your name. i told them to stop talking. i’m still here. maybe because i didn’t believe them. or maybe i’m just bad at swimming.

i’m probably leaving tomorrow. or maybe not. the sunscreen I bought smells like regret and aloe.

cairns is a mess. in the best way. if you like chaos, humidity, and people who wear flip-flops as shoes, come visit. just don’t ask for directions.

i heard that the local festival next week is about "celebrating the absurd." i’m not even sure what that means. i might go. or i might just stay lost in this parking lot again.

ps: if you like this, check out,, and. they’re all run by people who definitely don’t care about accuracy.

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About the author: Topiclo Admin

Writing code, prose, and occasionally poetry.

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