why i almost missed the Paris cat catacombs—until a drunk toddler pointed it out
the sun is being a brat today, but hey, at least it’s not raining. just 11.36°C minimum, 11.48°C max. feels like someone dipped your socks in iced tea, but you’ll survive. woke up in a hostel next to a wall that smells like old pizza and Thom Yorke pretentiousness. neighbors are fine, I guess. if you get bored, check the Seine-it’s basically Paris’ idiot cousin, doing laps around the Eiffel Tower.
turns out photography is harder than it looks. tripped over a pigeon colony while chasing the light for that perfect bistro shot. heard something about catacombs being closed, but then a dad with a baby shirt came sprinting by, screaming-“LOOK UP EVERYWHERE BUT YOURSELF, KID”-and there it was: a graffiti-tagged stairwell leading to underground mystery.
*trick: the map’s lying to you. follow the Seine, not the arrows. stumbled into a hidden alley where a barista screamed,“WHERE ARE YOU FROM?!” i studied her eyes, memorized the altitude of her eye-roll. she pointed to a mural of Frida Kahlo crying over a croissant. Pro-tip: never trust croissants before 10 AM.
links: tripadvisor’s catacombs page says “open until 7 PM weeks” but it’s 7:03 and I’m still here with a stroller-passing-closet-me. yelp’s ““MUST-TRY: BLINDS IN LE MARAIS”” is a lie-the blinds are just angry. local Reddit “paris-elite-hate” says the Eiffel Tower’s elevator breaks 90% of the time. solid take, honestly.
weather’s a diva. 54% humidity, pressure like a tired beet. grnd_level-whatever, it’s colder than a mime’s heart down here. triedto get a shot of the rain, slipped, landing face-first into a hedge that looked like Picasso vomited. neighbor’s dog yelled at me for 20 minutes. “outside is for lunatics”, he said. I respect his artistry.*
p.s. if you’re reading this, the Museem de l'Orangerie’s water lilies are open. but ignore the line-just drink the coffee from that bodega with the 5-star review that says““NOTHING WHITE EVER HAPPENED HERE””. it’s a lies. but the coffee’s decaf, so you win.
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