madness at bastogne: digital nomad meltdowns, elevators that hate me, and the café where napkins speak french

nine degrees in the morning. nine. damn. degrees. not celsius. eu would approve, right? the breeze feels like it’s holding back tears, icing glasses somehow even colder than the thoughts in my head. woke up to a pigeon staring at me like i owed it rent. not a metaphor. a pigeon. judgmental roommates cheaper here.


coffee snob rant: espresso should smell like crushed grapes, not regret. third café today, second with sugar packets in the salt shaker. locals call this ‘authentic ambiance.’ i call it a cry for help. overheard a barista mention the owner quit late last year. ‘left before the tax hikes,’ she said, nodding at a faded ‘ESPRIT DE LA RUE’ sign. ironic, since the coffee’s as bold as a hangover. linkomehmet’s café, if you’re tracking. tripadvisor says it’s ‘cozy disabled washroom’-funny, considering the sink hasn’t worked since 2017. yelp agrees: ‘haunting atmosphere, terrible wifi.’ ironic tagline? ‘free steamed milk for triggered hipsters.’ probably jktipsx’s rumor.



walked past a mosque with a new mural-prophet sipping an iced americano, must’ve photobombed. freelancer energy: constant thirsts, no rooting. neighbors next door hang like a fogged-up harvest wine label-always a mystery, never clear. met a yarankeff’able vendor who swore the somali llide shop down the block sells cheaper hourly rates than therapy. maybe true? she had a prescription pad and a hiss of ‘i survived 17 revolutions to sell you wunderbaum juice.’ next time i’m here, i’m buying her a latte.


tips for surviving: 1) never trust a vending machine in the train station. 2) wear rain boots indoors. floors are evolutionary traps. 3) if someone says ‘you’ll like the view,’ leave. trap. the café’s third floor opens to a concrete balcony where pigeons stake out your mistakes. breathtaking. terrifying.



the elevator to my apartment hated me today. six floors. six tries. six failed attempts to impress it with my dedication. i don’t know what i was proving. maybe that gravity negotiates? linkomehmet’s roof is next on the itinerary. they claim it has ‘epic view,’ but the last guy who fell off threatened the pigeons with a selfie stick. wild.










ps: if you like existential dread with a side of overpriced cake, or_iff and pastel primarily. don’t follow me, i’m losing coherence again.

You might also be interested in:

• https://votoris.com/post/jeju-where-the-rain-plays-peekaboo-with-your-aperture
• https://votoris.com/post/networking-events-in-philadelphia-a-freelance-photographers-survival-guide-camera-coffee-and-chaos
• https://votoris.com/post/the-real-cost-of-living-in-dnipro-surviving-on-ramen-and-hope
• https://votoris.com/post/lost-in-marrakech-a-whirlwind-of-saffron-and-chaos
• https://votoris.com/post/florianpolis-where-the-heat-meets-the-sea-and-my-hair-is-definitely-having-a-moment