Lake Placid’s Snowed-In Photography Fiasco (And Why You Shouldn’t Trust Local Wi-Fi)

i left my apartment at 6am, phone camera surgically attached to my hand, and immediately regreted it. turned out the sun was up for three(i don’t know what i expected) but the -4.6c air felt like it was clawing through my vintage wool headscarf. woke up in a gas station parking lot because the car slid sideways three times, someone honked a vintage horn and i couldn’t tell if it was angry or part of the performance art.

turns out the coffee shop sign said “closed” but nobody knew why. maybe the owner quit because the freezer turned into a snow sculpture? i don’t know. the only thing i found open was a tiny pizza place that smelled like melted cheese and existential dread. someone told me it was run by a priest who also played the accordion. ФЩСТ! in the background i heard people whispering about a “secret ski jump” but it looks like they’re all stuck in their cars.

i tried hiking the carrying capacity trail. slipped on a “high-performance” trail marker that was just another snowed-in rock. at least the views were nice? the fjords here look like they’ve been photoshopped from a postcard but the snow stole all the color. БЛБЛЛЛ Says: “This town is 20% humans, 80% snow wizards”. i checked tripadvisor and the ice caves have like 47 5-star reviews from people who’ve never seen a deposit slip.

pro-tips for the trainwreck: charge your phone six times before leaving. expect strangers to borrow your carabiner. don’t trust the yelp for the pizza place-it looks like a polar bear fight in there. if you get hungry, quechee is 20 minutes south and “sprays” their maple syrup like it’s got a vendetta against reality.

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