delhi’s 22.54 coffee and why i’m still here

i woke up at 6 am because my dog refused to stop howling at 5:59 am, which is weird because i usually sleep through that. but here we are, sitting on a bench in delhi, trying to figure out why the air smells like old curry and exhaust. i just checked the weather app and it’s 22.54, feels like 21.55. that’s the kind of weather where you sweat in your jeans and wonder why you wore socks. the app says humidity is 27%, which is like someone spilled a bottle of arômes into a sauna. honestly, i’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing. some say delhi’s heat is a lifestyle, others say it’s a conspiracy by the government to make you buy more fans. i don’t know. i just bought a new one today. it’s black. it looks like a Brick.

the neighbors? well, they’re the kind of people who play badminton at 7 am because they think it’s a revolutionary way to start the day. i overheard a man yelling, ‘i’ll show you the meaning of discipline!’, while his partner was clearly just rolling her eyes. if you get bored, gurgaon or noida are just a short drive away. but don’t let anyone tell you that. those places are basically delhi’s cooler cousin who still wears a fictional name to hide its sins.

i heard that the avg car here has 3 people in it, which is wild. i saw a guy driving a tata nano with a pizza box on the dash and a parrot on his shoulder. the parrot was judging him. i also heard that the delhi metro is actually a time capsule. someone told me that if you take the yellow line at 3 am, you’ll see a ghost riding it. i didn’t believe it until a drunk guy screamed about a ‘floating man’ at a food stall. that’s the kind of story you can only get from a local board. check out the delhi metro rumors on TripAdvisor-it’s a rabbit hole. or just go there and pretend you’re not scared.

the weather here is like a mood swing. yesterday, it was 22.54 and sunny. today, it’s 22.54 and the wind is pretending to be a band. i’m not sure if that’s poetic or just delhi being delhi. the pressure is 1011 hPa, which is like the city is trying to hold its breath. but the pressure doesn’t matter because the humidity is 27%. that’s the real killer. i tried to drink water but my mouth just refused. it’s like my tongue is a socialist and won’t let me have a drink.

i asked a local why the traffic is so bad and she said, ‘you think it’s traffic? it’s just delhi’s way of saying sorry for existing.’ i don’t know if that’s true, but it’s the best morning advice i’ve gotten. and honestly? it fits.

i took a photo of a random street corner and it looked like a painting by a drunk impressionist. there was a car parked in front of a large building, and the building had a green lawn that looked like it belonged in a different planet. i posted it on my blog. the link is https://example.com/delhi-chaos. it’s probably not helpful, but i’m a mess.

i also tried to find a good coffee shop. the first one was a disaster. the barista gave me a latte that looked like it was made in a lab. the second one? a girl named aisha sold me a cup of liquid that tasted like regret. i’m not sure if i liked it. i’ll ask her again tomorrow. the link to yelp reviews says, ‘delhi coffee is a gamble,’ which is 100% accurate. don’t go to the one with the red sign. it’s cursed.

i’m supposed to write a conclusion but i’m too tired. my brain is like a deflated balloon. but here’s what i learned: delhi is not a place. it’s an experience. a chaotic, sweaty, possibly haunted experience. the numbers? 1257951 and 1356959681? i think they’re codes for something. maybe a secret park or a lost buffet. i’m not sure. i’ll check tomorrow.

here’s a map. click it if you want to get lost.

i added three photos. the first is a large building with a green lawn. the second is a windmill in a field. the third is a car parked in front of a large building. they’re all from unsplash. the links are below.

i’m not sure if this post is helpful. i’m just a sleep-deprived person typing into a notebook. if you need more, check the delhi local board for updates. or maybe don’t. i might have cursed the last person who read this.

i also heard that the delhi haati is a place where people go to cry. i haven’t been. i’m too busy avoiding the heat and my own thoughts. but if you do go, don’t tell anyone. it’s a secret. and a bad one.

update: i tried to buy a fan yesterday. the shopkeeper said, ‘you don’t need a fan. you need a vacation.’ i left without buying anything. i think that’s the real advice. take a vacation. or just stay here and drink coffee. either works.

i’m done. thank you for reading. don’t follow the same template twice. i didn’t. i just spilled coffee on my keyboard. again.

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