Akyaka, Turkey: My Spreadsheet Caught Fire and I Didn’t Even Notice

i used to think that a day without three stand-up meetings was a wasted day. now i’m sitting on a *salt-crusted rock in akyaka, turkey, watching a fishing boat bob like it hasn’t got a care in the world. the sea is that impossible shade of blue that looks fake in brochures, and my brain keeps trying to generate a pivot table. it’s resisting.

i just checked the weather on my phone because i’m still stuck in my old ways: temp=16.37°C, feels_like=15.16, pressure=1019 mb, humidity=42%. i’m pretty sure the 'feels like' is a metric some overpaid consultant added to make things sound more precise. but honestly, it feels like ... a gentle chill, like when the AC in the office was too high and you’d steal a blanket from reception.

anyway, here’s the spot i can’t stop staring at:

the gulf of gökova spreads out like a sapphire spread. akyaka is a tiny village that hasn’t yet been swallowed by all-inclusive resorts, though you can see the cranes in the distance doing their best. i heard a local mutter something about “the fight against concrete,” but i was too busy trying to pronounce “çökertme” to catch the rest.

the food here is a whole other story. someone told me that the octopus at kardesler is so fresh it still has the memory of the rock it clung to. i’m not sure if that’s a metaphor or just a drunk fisherman’s tale, but i ate it anyway. it came with a glug of local olive oil that tasted like sunshine. i also devoured a plate of çökertme kebabı at a place called “zeytin” (which means olive). it’s a messy pile of shredded meat, flatbread, and tomatoes thatadak. i’d recommend it to anyone who’s ever been on a diet. if you want a verified rating, Yelp gives it four and a half stars, which is about as reliable as a weather forecast.

i’ve been relying on TripAdvisor for the heavy lifting, but half the fun is getting lost in the backstreets. i found a tiny bar called “martin” that serves arak that tastes like licorice and regret. the bartender told me that the best time to see the sunset over the water is at 7:12 pm exactly, because that’s when the wind dies down and the reflections line up. i tried to verify that with an astronomy app, but i was too busy sipping. you can also check the Akyaka Community Board for local gossip; it’s raw and unfiltered, like a raw oyster.

if you’re wondering what to do besides eat and stare at the sea, there’s a hiking trail behind the village that climbs up to a ruined windmill. the view from the top is insane: you see the entire gulf, the distant mountains of rhodes (or maybe they’re just clouds pretending). i’m not a hiker, i used to take the elevator to the 3rd floor at work, but i did it. and i survived. bring water, wear shoes that don’t mind dust. also, watch out for the donkeys. they have attitude.

i also took a boat trip on a wooden gulet. these boats are the kind that look like they belong in a museum, but they’re still sailing. we dropped anchor at a secret cove where the water was so clear you could count the fish. our captain, a grizzled guy named mustafa, kept shouting “dolphins!” but it was always just a wave. still, i liked his enthusiasm. you can usually haggle a price at the harbor; don’t accept the first quote. a tip: pay in cash, and ask if the price includes the mezze - sometimes they throw in a plate of hummus and olives for free.

now for the advice part: don’t come here looking for a party. the nightlife is basically a couple of bars with turkish pop and a stray cat that judges you. if you want a club, head to bodrum - it’s like a 45-minute drive if you need to escape the tranquility. but why would you? also, the local internet is slow. i tried to upload a picture and it took so long i started to question my life choices. embrace the disconnection.

i’ve also heard rumors about a secret beach accessible only by a path behind the abandoned hotel. i haven’t found it yet, but i’m told the sand is pink and the water is warm. i’ll keep looking. if you find it, message me on the community board - i’ll trade you a story about the time i accidentally insulted a ceo with a poorly timed joke.

overall, akyaka is the kind of place that makes you realize how little you need to be happy. a good simit (that sesame bread ring), a view, and zero emails. i’m trying to remember what my old email signature even looked like. i think it said “optimizing synergies” or something. now it could say “chasing sunsets and forgetting passwords.”

i’m not sure i’ll ever go back to the corporate world. maybe i’ll become a professional olive taster. or a goat herder*. who knows. all i know is that the weather app says 16.37°C and i’m here, in the middle of a gulf that looks like a painter’s mistake, and i’m not checking my phone for emails. i’m just watching the water.

there you have it. if you want more 🍃 (i’m not sure what that emoji means but it’s trending).

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