A chilliwack café’s free wifi, questionable pastries, and why i’m already planning my escape
i spilled coffee on my laptop again. the barista here won’t stop eye-rolling my latte order but swears their wifi is "incredibly fast". checked on my phone-it’s 11.08. feels like 10.41 degrees outside. humidity’s at 83%. that’s the kind of weather that makes you want to crawl into a bakery and work til sunrise. which i did.
the local florist told me this café used to be a thrift store. i heard rumors it moved here to avoid paying rent. wasn’t sure if she was drunk or a genius. probably both.
sat at the counter for three hours. my backpack’s literally a time capsule of thrift store hats and expired protein bars. a guy next to me keeps muttering about bitcoin. another guy’s been playing a beatbox loop for 45 minutes. don’t ask. it’s either genius or schizophrenia.
pro-tip: the pastries here are a scam. looked like a crescent roll that escaped a landfill. but the empanada guy behind the counter will sketch you a mural if you order guacamole. tried it. he drew my terrified face. iconic.
other people are here for the view but i’m here for the trashy graffiti on the bathroom stall. it’s a sketch of a palm tree wearing sunglasses. profound.
if you get bored, valencia is just a short drive away. allegedly has better tacos than any food blog will admit.
something a local warned me about: the beach at night is basically a dumpster fire. unless you like raccoons judging your life choices. which i kinda do now.
overheard at the counter: "i swear if i see another yoga influencer take a selfie with a seagull, i’m starting a GoFundMe for my sanity."
the wifi here’s trash. my VPN keeps disconnecting. might be because i’m sitting on a literal trash fire. maybe try the spot across the street. someone swears by their"
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