sentosa’s sweating coffin and other things i learned while freelancing on the island
the ac died at 3am and the humidity clings like a bad breakup. 25.16 degrees here, but 26.11 feels more accurate. cherry blossoms? nope. dragon fruit? nope. neon signs and sweat instead. neighbor kids scream tiktok moves outside my window. their laughter smells like burnt durian.
woke up to a notification from my laptop: 20% battery. my coffee’s cold. decided to stalk tripadvisor for cafes. mike’s torii café in marina bay got 4.7 stars. suspiciously. someone mentioned the owner’s a former chef from a michelin-star place-makes sense if the laksa tastes like a prank. tripadvisor.com/listing/123456789.
left my camera here for 5 minutes outside sungei road flea market. woke up to a "free vacation package" ad. kids sell snake plants. nice. someone swore the hawker at maxwell food centre spikes chili in the curry fish head. they’re wrong. it’s just spicy. lies for business.
pro-tips for surviving singapore:
oh, the mrt? don’t rush. oldies eat breakfast all day and block every seat.
*standard chartered bank* branch has atms open 24/7. useful if you’re me, broke and stuck.
gardens by the bay? overhyped. saw a guy feed pigeons at rainforest haven. fight me, it’s peaceful.
yelp listing link here for that rooftop bar-that’s where i drowned my sorrows after 10 failed attempts to video-call my mom. wifi cut out. she hung up.
i heard my downstairs neighbor replaced "smash cut" by trying to microwave instant noodles at 1am. genius. smells like failure.
embed map here:
falling asleep to the sound of karaoke queens belting "i will survive" in 3 phonetics. singapore, my lovely corpse.
survived the heat with a iced-thai-inspired smoothie. top sellers on carousel mall say request "no ice" for maximum authenticity. tried it. got a yogurt slushie from geoduck. it repaid with existential terror.
last night, a neighbor told me the poland spring water from the tap is safer than their own shower. tried it. my kidneys are drafting a subtweet.
next stop: wie demands. if i survive. [medium read: the-ultimate-guide-to-singapore](https://medium.com/...
update: wifi finally came back. waiting for my iced coffee. the AC still hates me. neighbors swear soda ash fixes humidity. fake news. you, singapore, are a riot.
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