mumbai at 36 degrees and one existential crisis

woke up to a ceiling fan humming at 3am in a hostel that smelled like old peanuts and desperation. the cheapest hostel i’ve ever found listed on tripadvisor (https://www.tripadvisor.com/hotel/12345/mumbai_hotels.html) but somehow still managed to feel like a prison cell with a view. i checked the weather app and it’s like a sauna set to ‘naked’ right now, 36.06 degrees and i’m sweating more than a yoga instructor in july. if you get bored, pune’s hills are a 2-hour detour but honestly just make a left and you’ll find a street artist who’ll probably judge your life choices.


Found a guy selling paintings of mumbai suburbs for ₹200 each. he looked like he’d been painting the same canyon for 20 years. i took one of his stuff and he just said ‘it’s not bad but don’t tell anyone.’ classicAuthentic Mumbai vibe redacted.


Heard from a drunk at a local bar (yelp link here: https://www.yelp.com/biz/mumbai-drunk-therapy) that the best way to survive is to pretend you’re part of a movie. apparently everyone here is either in a film or pretending to be. i tried this with a bench near the beach and a woman in a leather jacket told me to ‘remember this moment’ before walking away. classic Mumbai advice.


Walked past a tiffin vendor who was mad because his plate got stolen by a stray dog. 17% humidity, 1008mb pressure, and this guy was lecturing me about soup in a language i don’t speak. mystery solved: it’s curry.


==google map of the chaos==

==Photos of the madness==

Reviewed a ‘feel-good’ café that was actually a guy reading poetry in a room full of existential dread. I heard that from a local who spilled chai on themselves and started crying. (https://www.tripadvisor.com/r/67890-mumbai-cafes.html) the worst part is the rain. it’s not even raining but everything’s dripping like a bad rom-com.


Neighbors? More like ‘people you’ll avoid after 10pm.’ the hostel next door played 90s bollywood music at 2am and i swear a parrot outside the window started mocking me. i tried winning it over with mumbai street food but it just stared at me like i owed it money.


PS: if you like chaos, here’s a pro tip from someone who’s probably not telling the truth. (https://www.localmumbaiboards.com/threads/chaos-tips.12345) don’t trust anyone who says ‘this is safe.’ safe is a lie here. and maybe buy sandals. they’ll get wet, you’ll enjoy it. don’t care if you live or die, it’s all worth it.

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