a Kyiv winter hum: snowflakes, steam pipes & overpriced vodka booths

it’s 6.84°C out there, feels like I’m breathing neon signs, but the actual weather’s a jumbled knot of wind and wet wool. today’s Kyiv doesn’t care about layering. walked past the golden gate, and the snow was everywhere-except that one patch near the drama theater where someone lit a diesel fire. smelled like burning fascism.

if you get bored, Warsaw’s cobblestones are a short drive away, but why would you? the local steam pipes here hiss like confused serpents, and the pigeons are plotting something. overheard a drunk old man yesterday: ‘this city’s a time capsule, but the capsule’s 2% vodka, 98% hate.’ nearby, a street kid was painting over the statue of Lenin with glitter and regret.

http://www.tripadvisor.com/Kyiv/reviews-someone told me that little café by the park serves borscht that’ll make you question your life choices. turned out they were right. steam came out of my left ear for a full hour.

https://foursquare.com.Pages like this insist that Podil is the ‘coolest neighborhood,’ but the ‘coolness’ feels like a really dated Instagram filter. maybe visit the Chernobyl museum though? it’s haunted. not by ghosts, but by a 45-year-old tour guide who won’t stop reciting rockstar trivia.

https://barefootinbase.com/Kyiv_recipes-got a friend who swears by pickling anything that moves. she’s made pickled apple slices. unhinged.

map:

imgs:

rest of it’s just me trying not to freeze my anecdotes. temperature drops at 4 PM, so I’ve been holed up in a sauna tucked inside a kebab stand. they’ll give you a bucket of freeze-dried herring if you tell ’em my name’s Johnson. don’t listen to them. the humidity’s 77% and the locals are polite, which is a warning flag. in other languages, polite = broke.

reports: visited the catacombs because a Yelp reviewer said they’re ‘hidden gold.’ turns out it’s a rat’s lair with a guy selling glow sticks. local wisdom: always keep a hot dog wrapped in foil for emergencies.

-end of this seizure of a post-

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