Valdivia: Where the Mist is as Thick as My Client's Excuses

so here i am in valdivia. it's not exactly the first place you think of when you're looking for a relaxing getaway, especially if you're a consultant who's been on the road for six months. but hey, when your client suddenly decides they don't need your 'disruptive' (or whatever buzzword they used) strategy anymore, you've got to go somewhere. and here i am. the humidity is at 99%, which means every breath feels like you're inhaling a cloud. i just checked the weather and it's basically a damp hug, so if you like feeling like a sponge, you're in luck. the temperature is stuck at 17 degrees, which is perfect if you're a mushroom, but for a human in a suit, it's a bit chilly. especially when the suit has been in a suitcase for a week.

the city is built on a river, which is nice. i guess. it's green and there are boats. but honestly, after staring at excel sheets for so long, everything looks pretty. there's this one bridge that everyone takes pictures of, but i'm more interested in the fact that i haven't seen a dry cloud in three days.

they say the river here is haunted by the souls of spanish sailors who drowned. don't fall in, especially if you hear singing.

i don't know if that's true, but i did see a guy rowing a boat while singing, so maybe he was one of them. it was a mournful song. about lost ships and bad weather. very on-brand.

the food is... okay. there's a lot of seafood, which is fine. i tried this one place called cerveceria cuello negro. they have a dark beer that's supposed to be local. it was strong.

i heard that the local beer is so strong that one bottle will make you see the founding father. i tried two and saw a lot of founding fathers.

i think i saw simon bolivar. or maybe it was just the water pressure. the beer was thick, like a meal in a glass. i had to order a water to go with it. the waiter laughed. he said 'welcome to valdivia, gringo'. i told him i wasn't a gringo, i was a disillusioned consultant. he poured me another beer.

if you get tired of the mist, puerto montt is just a short drive north. i haven't been, but i saw a sign. it looks like a town with more rain. tripadvisor says it's the gateway to the lake district. whatever that means. probably more mist. and lakes. which are just big puddles with boats. i'm not impressed.

someone told me that the best empanadas in valdivia are sold from a cart near the central market, but only on tuesdays and thursdays, and if you go on wednesday, they'll give you a weird look and then tell you they're closed. i went on a thursday. they were okay. not worth the hype, but i was hungry. the empanada had cheese and something that might have been beef. it was greasy. i liked it. then i felt guilty. which is also what i felt after my second beer.

the central market is a mess. fish flopping everywhere. it smells like low tide and regret. but hey, that's travel, right? yelp has some reviews of it. mostly good, but one guy said he found a fish eye in his ceviche. i think that's a win. authenticity. here's a link to a local blog about the market. it's in spanish, but the pictures are pretty. and there's a video of a fish being gutted. very relaxing.

the locals seem friendly. they smile when i speak english. which is either because they're nice or because they're trying to sell me something. i bought a hat. it's waterproof. which is good because it hasn't stopped raining. the hat has a map of chile on it. i don't know where i am on the map. valdivia is somewhere in the south. i think.

someone warned me about the seafood. 'don't eat the shellfish,' they said, 'unless you want to spend the night on the toilet.' i ate the shellfish. it was delicious. then i spent the night on the toilet. worth it.

the hotel room is tiny. the bed is hard. the water pressure is low. but the view is of a brick wall. i'm not complaining. it's authentic. and cheap. which is important when you're suddenly unemployed.

anyway, i'm still here. the client called me back. said they made a mistake and need me to come back. i told them i was busy seeing founding fathers. they didn't laugh. corporate life, man. they offered me a bonus. i said i needed more time to 'assess the market'. which in consultant-speak means 'i want to see if there's a better beer'.

so that's valdivia. it's damp, it's green, it's got beer that might make you see dead presidents. if you're into that, go for it. here are some more travel tips on a lonely planet forum. the locals seem friendly, but i think they're just waiting for you to fall in the river.

and now, some pictures because why not:

that's it. i'm going to bed. the damp hug is getting too much. and i think i saw another founding father. this one was wearing a suit. ironic.

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