Santa Fe Isn’t a Postcard—Here’s What I Actually Found

well i didn’t exactly know what to expect here. the weather’s this weird half-melted fridge scenario. i just checked and it’s 5.16 degrees out there right now, hope you like that thing where you’re basically wrapped in a thermal blanket but still feel like you’re sweating through your bones. neh. the floor is made of old concrete and it smells like someone’s been storing questionable science experiments in their basement. if you get bored, albuquerque’s just a short drive away but honestly i’d rather sweat through a taco truck window.

so there’s this place called the santuarian that everyone’s talking about. i heard that from a guy who was shouting into a microphone at a bar while wearing a t-shirt that said ‘i <3 burritos’ in comic sans. some people say the food there is magic, others say it’s a cult. either way, i went. the receipt from the counter had this random number 1840020387 scribbled on it. probably a receipt from the ‘90s. who knows.

here’s the thing about santa fe: everyone’s got an opinion. last night, i overheard two tourists arguing about whether the green chile should be red or blue. one of them had a map of new mexico tucked inside their passport like it was a sacred text. i asked them why they cared so much and they just said, ‘it’s a matter of principle.’ principal? i don’t even know what that means here.

i took a photo of this wall mural that looked like a giant hot dog wearing a flower crown. someone told me it’s a secret message from a vanished artist. i don’t believe in secret messages but i did take three pics. here they are:

touro? totally stole that word from a yelp review. i mean, i didn’t steal it, but i borrowed it like a tourist borrowing a phrase. here’s the link to the santuarian: https://www.tripadvisor.com/r/santuarian-santa-fe-nm. it’s 4.5 stars but i’m pretty sure the reviewer was drunk.

the nights here are colder than a hangover. i stayed in a hostel that had this weird rule where you had to chant a hail mary before you could use the shower. i didn’t. i just showered and then prayed to the ceiling for forgiveness. the hotel manager later told me it was a ‘cultural experience.’ yeah right.

if you ask locals about the weather, they’ll say something about how santa fe is always in transition. i asked one guy what that meant and he said, ‘it’s like the city’s trying to decide if it’s a rom-com or a rom-com but on acid.’ i respect that perspective.

here’s a thing: the elevation messes with your brain. i was hiking a trail and suddenly I wanted to buy a loaf of bread from a deli. then i got home and craved sushi. i’m not even sure what happened to me. probably the altitude.

someone warned me not to wander into that alley after dark. they said there was a guy who sold fake guacamole from a cooler. turned out he was just a guy who sold guacamole from a cooler but he had a very convincing fake avocado story. i almost fell for it.

i’m leaving tomorrow. no idea if i’ll come back. the numbers here keep messing with me. i keep seeing 5487811 and 1840020387 like ghosts. maybe they’re coordinates to some hidden taco spot. or maybe they’re just receipt numbers. who knows. https://www.yelp.com/biz/santa-fe-hot-dog-museum-or maybe don’t. that place sounds sketchy.

tags: travel, santafé, human, vibe, messy

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