poltava: where the weather is a mystery and the maps don’t lie
i woke up to a mystery. not a crime, just a weird code on my phone. 3080525. maybe it’s a zip code or a random number from a dream. either way, i ended up here. poltava. no idea why. but here i am. i didn’t plan this. i just followed that one random link from a blog post that promised ‘hidden gems’ and ended up in a town that feels like it was built by someone who forgot to finish the blueprint. the weather here is this weird 4.56, which is like, ‘okay, not freezing but not warm enough to not shiver through a hoodie.’ honestly, i’ve never been this cold in a place this…you know? like, not a tundra or anything, but the wind here is this persistent thing that reminds you you’re not in a normal place. i just checked and it’s…there right now, hope you like that kind of thing. i do. it’s weird. i like weird.
if you get bored, lviv is just a short drive away. like, 2 hours. which is either a relief or a curse, depending on your energy levels that day. i spent a lot of time wondering if this place is real or if i accidentally typed the wrong coordinates into google. the maps app showed me this weird grid of roads that looked like they were drawn by a sleep-deprived architect. but then i saw a sign that said ‘welcome to poltava’ in a language i couldn’t read, which barely made sense. i’m not sure if that’s comforting or terrifying.
someone told me that the old market in poltava is haunted by a guy who sells pierogies at midnight. i didn’t believe it until i saw a guy in a borscht stained tank top selling them outside a crumbling hospital. maybe it’s true? who knows. another person warned me about the park near the train station. they said the benches are all ‘occupied by ghosts who really hate tourists.’ i didn’t ask for specifics, but i did pretend not to look at the one bench where a teenager was crying into a bag of chips. was that a ghost? maybe. maybe not. either way, it’s part of the vibe here.
i heard that the local café is closed for renovations, but then i saw people going in, so who knows. i tried a place called ‘the lost menu’ and it was this tiny spot with a table that looked like it had been left there by a tornado. the bartender was this guy who kept saying things like ‘this is not a restaurant, it’s a ritual’ while pouring me a drink that tasted like it had a personality. i later found out it was on yelp, but the reviews were all from people who clearly didn’t understand the cuisine. one said ‘this is the worst coffee i’ve ever had’ and another wrote ‘i think i’m in a different country.’ that’s not a complaint, that’s a compliment. or maybe it’s a warning. i can’t tell.
the neighbors here are…unique. not in a bad way. more like, they’re here for a reason. i overheard a group of people talking about how the town’s main attraction is a building that looks like it was made of old receipts. someone said it’s a secret art installation. another said it’s just a really old train station that never got updated. i tried to ask, but they all waved me off like i was asking about the weather again. which, honestly, is what i was doing. i just checked and it’s…there right now. i hope you like that kind of thing.
i found this one spot called ‘the quiet river’ and it was this tiny lake with a dock that looked like it belonged in a postcard. i took a photo, but the wind blew my hat off and i had to chase it down the hill. the image didn’t turn out great, but that’s okay. it’s part of the story. here’s the link to the photos:
if you want to find more, check out the tripadvisor page for poltava’s hidden spots. it’s got some weird reviews, like the one from a guy who said he found a strangers’ wallet in the river and gave it back. that’s either very noble or very suspicious. and if you’re into cafés, yelp has some hidden gems. i’ve also heard that the local board on facebook has some secret spots, like that one bar that only opens for drunk people or something. i didn’t try it, but i’ll take any recommendation.
the map here is…questionable. i put it in because i wanted to show you where i am. but the coordinates? 50.5,19.4167. i didn’t know what they meant until i started walking. now i’m not sure if i’m supposed to be here or if i accidentally followed a map that led me to a place that doesn’t exist. either way, it’s fine. i’m here now. and that’s enough.
p.s. if you’re reading this, i’m probably already halfway through a bottle of vodka and wondering why i couldn’t have stayed in poltava. but then again, maybe that’s the point. the messy part is what makes it real. you can find me on instagram @travelwithmesses or check the local forums if you want to know more. or just come here.Poland’s weather is a vibe. not in a good or bad way. just…a vibe.
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