Marrakech: where the wifi is spotty and the coffee is cultural

i woke up to a ceiling fan spinning like it’s stuck in a time loop. the air here is so thick you can practically taste the humidity. i just checked and it’s that 17.97-degree stuff, sticky as a sweaty sock. not the kind of weather that makes you want to pack a swimsuit but hey, maybe i’ll start a new trend of ‘sweat-the-sock’ tourism.

the neighborhood is a puzzle. i’ve seen odd things: a man in a matching hat and scarf selling tea from a cart that definitely isn’t a cart. a cat wearing a tiny hat. i heard that the local baker once tried to sell bread inside a fishbowl. take it or leave it. if you get bored, casablanca is just a short drive away. though i heard that’s mostly just a bunch of old buildings and really sad music.

i stumbled into a café that looked like it belonged in a lego set. the owner, a guy with a permanent smile and a hairdo that defied gravity, told me the espresso was ‘made with love and a little bit of regret.’ i didn’t ask about the regret. some people say it’s because the owner’s dad died in a car accident. others say it’s because he once tried to bake a cake using sand. i didn’t ask. but i did see some reviews online. one guy wrote that the coffee was ‘like drinking the ocean through a straw.’ another said the Wi-Fi was so bad it needed a therapist. i heard that from a drunk tourist at a hostel bar. maybe it’s true. maybe it’s not. who cares?

the street art here is wild. i took photos of a mural that looked like a giant rainbow wrapped around a tree. someone told me that artist is a former можно быть this guy who used to paint on the sides of buses. i don’t know if that’s true. i also saw a sign that said ‘no dogs allowed’ but then a guy in a dog costume was eating a baguette. no one stopped him. maybe that’s the vibe of the place.

i tried to find a place to work. the library was closed, the park had a bunch of kids playing soccer, and the nearest café had a sign that said ‘no laptops.’ i ended up sitting on a bench next to a woman in a rainbow skirt who was probably a yoga instructor. she kept saying things like ‘breathe, but also don’t breathe too hard.’ i’m not sure if that was advice or a warning. anyway, the map here is a mess. i zoomed in on the coordinates and realized i was standing in a place that’s technically a square but feels like a maze. the embedded map should help if you’re lost.

i took some pics. one shows a group of kids eating ice cream in a park, another has a man in a hat trying to sell him something that might be a hat or a hat-shaped object. the third is a street scene with cars and trees, which is basically the definition of chaos.

i heard that the local market is a place where you can find everything and nothing. some people say it’s a haven for spices, others say it’s a trap for tourists. i tried to buy a date palm but the vendor asked me in a language that sounded like a mix of morse code and a baby’s hiccups. maybe i’ll come back. or maybe i’ll just drink coffee and pretend i’m in a dream. the title of this post is probably the most accurate thing here. marrakech is not a place you plan. it’s a place you stumble into, like a random encounter in a rom-com. if you want to check out other spots, tripadvisor has a page for the ‘hidden gems’ section. yelp says the street food is amazing but also possibly cursed. i’m not sure which to believe. but hey, at least the humidity is consistent. it’s like the city is holding its breath and saying ‘ok, you’re here now.’

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